Check Yer Head...Comix: Episode 10: Zombie EclipsespilcE!

Oh, no...I can't believe it. I thought the nightmare was over!

   "It's time to check yer self. EclipsespilcE comes back like a Tsunami. Don't call it a comeback, I been here for a couple minutes.

   If I don't mess you up this time, I'm wasting mine. Don't waste yours for a minute more. Score a fat sak of comix and mind bending music and dialogue in this episode of smack you back."

Tea-Bagging Maniacs fight for their shitty "Life-style"!

   I'm not usually one of those "I told ya so" kinda guys.  Shit, if you didn't listen the first time, you're on your own.  Of course, I don't have access to the kind of ears that really need to hear what I have to say, and I doubt they'd listen anyway.

   What am I mad about?  Shit, many things, but I'll narrow it down to just a couple.

   One:  Fuck oil.  Fuck it.  Fuck you if you want us to keep drilling.  Fuck you if you waste it on a big-ass Rush Limbaughmobile.  Mainly, fuck the entire oil & gas industry.  And fuck the auto industry as well.  These dickheads are like smokers that get cancer, and still refuse to quit.  If it were up to me, I would buy them a metaphorical Carton Of Smokes, and let them kill themselves, but the metaphor involves "second-hand smoke", and I'd (we'd) end up losing a lung along with them.

   See, I'm a little pissed off about that fucking offshore oil rig that blew up.  Not only did some poor guys (that were only looking for a paycheck, I know) DIE in a huge flaming mess, but NOW (dig this shit), THEY ARE NOT SURE HOW SOON THEY CAN SHUT OFF THE FLOW OF OIL. 

   [Does anyone else think it's funny this shit happened just hours before "Earth Day" Began?  God works in mysterious ways, eh?]

   Yeah, you heard me.  Thousands and thousands of gallons of gooey DINOSAUR SHIT (and rotten old trees) that should have just fucking stayed in the ground is now belching out on the sea floor, killing shit and knocking a few years off of humanity's dance card.

   But, that's not the worst of it.  The absolute WORST are the fucking idiotic tea-baggers.  While earthquakes shake, tornadoes and tidal waves blow us away, volcanoes erupt all around, these faggots are bitching about losing their "lifestyle".  These fucking morons scream things like "drill now, drill here!" and other completely fucking stupid phrases, and LAUGH at the idea of climate change.  Yeah, I know, right?  They want to keep their 100,000$ jobs, their illegal workforce, their Escalades, and they are prepared to let the poor die slowly of horrible diseases if they have to!  They are willing to sacrifice anything (of yours) to save their worthless asses.  I mean, their spokesperson is a single mother that was too stupid to use a condom and wants to ramp-up oil drilling in Alaska. Why?  Does she think it's good for the country?  Do they think that it is good for the world?  Fuck no, they just want money.  AND THEY WANT IT NOW, BEFORE THE SHIT HITS THE FAN.  These fuckholes think that just laughing while you say "global warming" causes the concept to lose credibility...that's funny, I usually laugh when I say the words "Jesus" or "God"...or "Clean Coal" (laughs out loud).  Hell, I'd like to see these buttfucking assholes really fight for what they believe in.  I say, put them in the fucking ring, with the prize being a huge tax break.  Hell, offer them NO TAXES FOR A YEAR if they get in the ring with a pro for just a few minutes (a'la Bully Beatdown).  Shit, that's all they are anyway:  Douchebag Bullies.

   I've got an idea how we can solve two problems at once:  Take all the Tea-bagging ball-lickers and all the oil and gas execs, remove their bones, feed the meat to the poor animals locked in zoos and grind their bones into glue.  Then you take the glue, and plug up that fucking oil hole they made in the ocean floor.  The auto industry guys?  Fuck, just set up a sting-style operation, saying they won a new pair of jet-skis, and when they walk in the door, whack them with a hammer...JUST LIKE THE COWS THEY EAT!  Shit, they love oil so much, we should make them drink it.  Bottoms up, faggots!  Hey...why do we call cow meat "beef", but chicken is just chicken?  Deer=Venison, Baby Lamb=Veal, but chicken?  Just fucking chicken.  Sorry, back to the misanthropic rant already in progress.

Hey, my idea is no less crazy than theirs.  Oil?  OIL??  Really??  Are you that fucking greedy and lazy?  Rhetorical question, dipshit...

   I'm also willing to bet various body parts that the majority of these ignorant douchebags are "god-religious" as well.  On behalf of the semi-intelligent portion of the human race, let me be the first to tell you fuckers:  Heaven's not overflowing.

   I suppose I'll eventually have the opportunity to tell them what I think about their beliefs when we all get to hell.  See you there, you fucking dinosaurs.  You, me, Hitler and fucking Oral Roberts can sit around drinking oil, discussing the best methods of breeding stupid monkeys for the purpose of mass consumption of poisons for profit, until fucking eternity yells "last call".

Eat shit and keep breeding, idiots.  That's my recipe for Suck-Cess.

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode 9: Check Yer Video

Here, take it home with you!

[For some reason, this remains the most downloaded of all my shows. 1,203 times (What the fuck?).  I can't get the embedding to work (it cuts the video in half), so click on the link above, choose "open", and it should play in your chosen video player... or not. Who knows, you could have a really shitty computer. Allright, which one of you bastards said "just like yours"?  Anyway, if you don't want the nice-looking version, click here, and it won't take 3 minutes for your crappy computer to download.  Either way, yer gonna haveta delete it when yer done.]

  "Well, folks, It's been an interesting Holiday season. It started out with a nasty little virus that wiped out my HDD. Since episode 9 was obliterated, I just decided to make a little video tour of my studio and comix vault.
I'm no Spielberg, so don't expect Oscar material.


SEE...how my drunk ass lives.

WITNESS...as I stumble around my comix vault, trying not to trip over stacks of comic books

AGONIZE...as you and your co-miserators try to figure out exactly WHAT IS WRONG with me!!

(no comix were harmed in the creation of this video)"

Too Many Games, not enough time...

   Howdy, Y'all!  It's Sunday again, and I'm wasting it playing video games.  That should explain why there hasen't been any text blogs for the past couple weeks.  Apparently, I'm in a low point of my addiction cycle...

   Usually I only feel like gaming on Saturday, 'cause I can stay up half the night if I need to (need...sheesh!).   Bioshock kinda screwed that up.  I was playing just about every night, being careful to go to bed on time.  Getting up at 4:30 is a bitch when you went to bed at 12:30.

   But, I finished Bioshock (twice), and moved on to some other games I've had sitting around collecting dust:  Infernal (I got it cheap), Far Cry, Timeshift, Quake4 (yes, I still haven't got deeper than the first level) and Doom 3(ditto).  I bought Call of Duty (original) Deluxe edition Box set for 5$, and Saints Row 2 for the same price.  Then I realized:  TOO MUCH!  TOO MANY GAMES TO CHOOSE FROM!!

I'm up to my nipples in gaming goodness!!

   Today, my chores are done (save the laundry, which takes all damn day), so I'm diving into Prey.  Hell, it almost took as long to develop the damn game as it did for me to get around to playing it.  It's worth the wait, though, because I have a much better video card than before, and can see all the pretty stuff!  Well, to call all that gorey sick scary stuff pretty....you'd have to be a gamer, I guess...or a horror movie freak.

  I must say, and if you've clicked any of the links above you'll agree, that Youtube has inadvertantly done something great for the Gaming community.  If you just don't have the skills, hardware or time, you can STILL experience some of the greatest games on the planet.  All thanks to gamers themselves, and the "free" posting abilities they get from Youtube.  Great job, guys (and girls!)

   Well, shit....I got some aliens to disembowel.  LATER!

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode Ate

Click here to save it for later...

   What happens when EclipsespilcE drinks Budwiser instead of Guinness??  Lemme tell 'ya...it ain't purty.  Good thing this is an auditory medium!  Prepare yer puckered puss for this binaural, Budwiser bullshit, baby!

   Soon as I get drunk enough, We can press the button, and pour ourselves a big friggin' glass of badass old comix.  I got Skull Comix on tap this week, and draughts are CHEAPCHEAPCHEAP!!!  Does anybody else miss nickel beer nights at Numbers?

  Anyway, I wouldn't recommend any hallucinogens for this show, kids.  It's weird enough all on it's own.

Shitbar Shiterday: What's in store

Howdy, y'all.

This is the explanation section.

   You may have listened to my last show and wondered: "Halloween?  WTF?  It's fucking april, for fuck's sake!!  And, what was that shit about Ike, a year and a half late?

You are absolutely right.  It IS April, for fuck's sake. April 2010.

   Okay, here's what's going on:  I started this blog recently, but I've been making shows for a couple of years.  They were put up on the Archive, and the Comic Book Haters posted them on their blog for me.

   Yeah, it's all about being "underground".  There were a lot of promises made, and I tried to keep them, but there's a quality that can't be reached when your heart isn't into it.  My heart isn't always into it.  There are a lot of things begging my interest, and keeping up with THAT kind of quality on a weekly basis wasn't a promise I could keep.

   So, I wanted a BIG break.  Bigger than big.  Like, a year off.  I only want to make shows when I WANT to.  That way, they'll be worth listening to, right?

   With this blog, I'm putting the shows out once a week until I'm cashed.  Right now, I'm sitting on 17 shows.  That's 16 released shows, and one I'm not so done with (lazy fuck...).  We're at seven, right?  That leaves about 9 shows to go until 17.  Therefore, 8 weeks from now, I start putting out new shows.  At the rate of one per week, no less, I guess...

   No, I don't know what they are going to be like yet.  All's I know is: New shows are going to be a mixed bag.  Some audio, some video, some short and some long.  The video is what's gonna be fun.  I've been practicing with my camera, and checking out Youtube, and let me tell ya: they ain't got shit on what I'm gonna put out. Editing?  Shit, I don't have the patience to edit video.  It's all gonna be one-take or nothin'

   Best of all:  I ain't gonna advertise.  Yep, I'll be lucky if one or two people EVER SEE or HEAR this shit...  Because, I want to stay hidden, y'all.  I know: Kinda crazy to put this kind of work into something yer gonna hide, right?  Well, lemme tell you about my music career...nah, nevermind.

And I'm cool with that.  That's what underground is all about.

   So, if you are reading this: you are lucky...I guess.  Lucky in the sense that you stumbled upon something that very, very few people are ever going to be aware of.

   Enjoy.  Because, there are few things in this life that are still hidden treasures.  What I share with you is, to me, my treasures.  It's my time, my heart and my soul.  I will only speak when I have something to say, and I will use as few words as possible, taking care that you are entertained either way.  Still, you can just ignore me, and enjoy the music for all I care.  At least you get something out of it.

Remember:  It's free, and I gain absolutely nothing...save the personal therepudic benefits, of course.

Cheers, muhmakkas!

Check Yer Head...Comix, Numbah Seben

clickety right here to download

   "Ahhhhhhh.....that's better. Niiiiiice and quiet. Looks like things are lightening up a bit here. How's about a whole show where you don't get bitched at? Even better than that, we talk about comix through the whole show! No, I'm serious!


Unfortunately, it's only half as long as usual.

   You gotta take the good with the bad, y'all...and determine which is which.

   Either way, you'd be screwed in the head if you didn't download this here pudcast.

And, make sure yer smiler ain't broke."

TV Tuesday: BULLY BEATDOWN!!!

   Yeah, muhmukkah...3 exclamation points(!).  I've loved this show from the get-go.  Everything about it is tits (pardon the expression, but...who DOESN'T like boobies?  Well, you just shut the hell up, then.), and I can't get enough.

  However, there hasn't been a new episode in a loooong time.  A LOOOOOOONG time.  WTF?  OMG!  There, I made my quota of idiotic internet "slang" for the year.  Internet slang!  Making your kids a little more illiterate every day!  Can you believe they don't even bother to teach cursive writing anymore?  They have to grade papers with RU in place of Are You and shit like that.  Fuck, how did I get off track?

 Oh, yeah...Bully Beatdown!  And, the best thing about Bully Beatdown is Jason "Mayhem" Miller.  You simply cannot find a more entertaining fighter or host.  Some of his pranks are sublime, and I dig how he plays "possum" in his fights.

   Why aren't there any new episodes?  Did all the bullys catch part of the first season, and now they can't talk anyone into the ring?  That fucking sucks.  It's also typical MTV bullshit.  Whenever they get a show that is worth a shit, they only make a couple seasons worth of shows, and then just re-run them for years.  Must I add to the Canon of bitching about how sad MTV is?  What does the M stand for, anyway?  Moron?

   So, step the fuck up, MTV.  Fuck Jersey Shore (train wreck), fuck Real World (what a bullshit name) and fuck Road Rules (what kind of fag watches that shit, anyway???).  Bring back the fucking BEATDOWN goddamnit.

   By the way, you should also change the name of "Sucker Free" to "Shithead Packed".  I don't care that it sounds stupid...you should hear some of the crap they play on that show...REEEEEEEALY stupid.

   Wow, this started as a plea for more shows, and ended up as a wedgie.  You fucking deserve it, you little MTV bitches.  You don't like it?  Well, get me in the ring, muhmukkah!

Bioshock Blues

  I finished playing Bioshock on the PC just a few minutes ago, and now I'm sad.  I always get a little sad when I finish a game.  I dragged this one out, too.  However, there are 3 different endings, and I've only seen one of them.  The thing that keeps me from going back and playing again is that the ending I got was pretty lame.  30 seconds of video that stuttered, and only left me with questions.  I suppose, that's why they made Bioshock 2.

   If you are not familiar with the game, it's pretty damned hard to describe.  I'm not going to bother.  There's plenty of info out there, so go look for yourself.  I will say that to this date, it's the best shooter I've ever played.  Very dark, disturbing, and it fucks with you right until the end.  I leaped out of my seat more times than I did playing the first Half-Life.  I finished all of the Half-Life 2 plus episodes and lost cost just a week before I started Bioshock.  I'm glad I did, because I would have been constantly comparing  them to each other, and having Bioshock come out on top.

   Now I have to decide:  Do I replay it two more times, changing my gameplay to see the alternate endings, or do I just go to Youtube, watch them, and get on with another game...Oh, man, it's hard being so lazy...

Addendum:  April 10, 2010 - almost done with my 2nd time through, and it's a whole new game.  Kickass.

Check Yer Head...Comix, Oh Sicks...

Click here to slowly get wasted!

[I know I'm a day late...did anyone REALLY notice?  Just for that, I'm leaving the blog open until Monday afternoon!  New posts scheduled all weekend.  Consider that a threat, not a promise.]

   "Hey, I've got a great idea! You tell your mom you're stayin' at my house, an' I'll tell MY mom I'm stayin' at YOUR house, and we'll hang out at the park, smoke and catch toads, so's we can shove firecrackers in their mouth, an'...hey, where'ya goin'? Well, we can at least download this here pudcast from eclipsespilce, and laugh our nutz off, right? Allright, cool. I'll go score a lid. Meet you back here in 30 minutes."

Wacky World News

   There's more and more talk nowadays about the shit going on in Mexico.  Apparently the drug cartels are operating in such an open and brazen manner, and stepping up violence exponentially, that the Mexican Tourisim market is taking a nosedive.  Not to mention all of the "innocent" people caught in the crossfire.

   It seems so stupid to me.  When you think about it:  Only 2 major "drugs" come out of the south directly.  Some things are routed THROUGH Mexico, but just as much comes in from Canada.  I guess the Canadians aren't quite as violent, but I can only suppose...Anyway, it's mostly Cocaine and Marijuana.  Meth is made down the street in that shack behind that crappy house.  I have no idea where the Heroin comes from (never seen any, myself), but I bet it comes into the states through the NorthWest.  Some of it is smuggled in, of couse.  Actually, I'm sure just about ANYONE would be surprised if we saw some  real numbers of how much crap is shipped in through FedEx and the like....REALLY surprised.

   But, the reason it seems so stupid is:  We could FINALLY end prohibition of Marijuana, set up some Domestic operations, and simply drive them out of business!  Once the only thing they are smuggling is Cocaine and Humans, we can simply start shooting them in the face and leaving them by the side of the road. Because Coke is retarded, and slavery is abbhorent!!  Marijuana?  You really want to compare that to Human Trafficking and Crack???

If you said "yes" then I would like to offer you a free trip to Tiajuana!  One way, of course...

If you make it back, please let me know how you feel about Domestic Marijuana Production then.

   Marijuana = Paper, Biofuel, Clothing, New Jobs, Freedom for incarcerated "non-criminals", to make room for all the cocksmoking pederasts they let go to make room for the potheads, and UNLIKE OIL it's a fucking RENEWABLE RESOURCE!!!!

   I'm not saying anything that millions upon millions of other people know and repeat themselves.  I'm sure it will be ignored just the same.  Most people can't say anything because either they are afraid to be outted as a "druggie", or they simply can't talk with Big Oil's dick in their mouth.

   Here's a scenario:  You come home from a hard day at work, plop down on the couch and smoke a joint.  Your neighbor passes by your door, smells it, and calls the cops.  15 minutes later, some cops are at your door, and you are going off to jail.  While waiting for a trial, your wife visits to let you know that the registered sex offender on parole that has been living across the hall has raped and killed your daughter.  Plus, you lost your job, not only because of the "drugs", but they are moving your position to "offshore".  Meaning, somebody in India is going to make 3 dollars an hour doing your job.

   It may seem ridiculous to you...but then, so does strapping a bomb to yourself and wandering onto a subway.  And that shit NEVER happens, right?

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode 5

You may need an athletic support for this one, kids.

   Nothin' like a good ol' release of aggression, am I right?  Well, I may not be RIGHT, but you know what I'm talkin' 'bout, muhmukkah....

   Hold on to yer hats, 'cause I come out swinging right away.  But, if you ain't into the bitchin', you can fast forward to about 15 minutes in, and check out some incredible Comix with me.  And, feel free to get a bit lit up, 'cause you KNOW I am.

   I'm not going to waste any more of your time writing about the show. Go ahead and waste your time listening to it.

   FRIDAY NIGHT!  HELLS YEAH!

Terrible Technology!

   With so much going on in the world, and so much communication, it's easy to feel overwhelmed by it all.  Sometimes, you just want to unwind, pop open a beer, and have a conversation with a complete stranger that may or may not share a common language with you.  Now, where in the hell would you go for something like that?  An airport bar?  Possibly, but silly.  A bar in a foreign country?  Definately, but a little more dangerous.  Maybe a forum or a chatroom?  Feh, too much flaming and stupid shit.  Although some forums only have 2-3 people ever posting on them, so it creates a kind of "inbred" and weird environment...
BUT, what if there was a website that you could go to, hook up your webcam, and randomly talk to all kinds of people at the push of a button?  Man, that would be AWESOME, right?
Say what?  What's a Chatroullete?  You mean, someone already DID that?  Hot damn. 
   I know, I'm a little late, but I try not to pay attention to this kind of silly shit, because I'm not THAT kind of guy.  No, not THAT kind of guy, I mean "social".  I'm NOT social by any means.  Humans are okay in very, very small doses.

   That said, even in small doses, people can be just too much.

   I went on Chatroullete last night for the first time because I was enthralled with a few videos I saw on Youtube.  There were a couple guys sitting with their instruments (piano, guitar, kazoo, etc), making up random lyrics in response to the people they "met" (allright, that's 3 quotation-thingys, I think I've made my quota for the month).  So very cool.  I laughed like crazy.  THEN, I saw some guy set up a pair of legs hanging from the ceiling with an overturned chair underneath it, and recorded the reactions.  You get it?  The funniest and sickest thing about that one is:  It could REALLY HAPPEN!  Shit, I'm surprised it hasn't already happened...  So, I tried it out.

   What should you be prepared for if you go there?  A lot of penises.  Seriously, 4 out of 5 "chatters" are either tossing off under their sheets or desk, or just fucking doing it full-frame.  No joke.  Heh, I saw ONE va-jayjay, though (and wish I hadn't)  But, I did end up having at least 3 conversations that were fun and harmless.  Only 3.

   Oh, you sick little monkeys...unleashed upon each other, armed with technology you barely understand. Technology which doesn't have a proper use.

   Because, if it turns out that the only use for webcams are showing your pathetic penis to strangers, I think you should be arrested just like the pathetic parasites that show their privates to children at the park.  Castrate your ass.  Me, I wasn't really offended.  I've seen plenty of dicks, and I am not afraid of them.  I won't hold any besides my own, and if you tried to put it inside of me, it would suddenly be missing; But, I'm not some innocent little shit with a webcam and ignorant parents.

   Well, now that I've decided to castrate a useless part of our population (with good reason), I can move on to the next problem.

   Hey, I just thought of something...I'm good at making ridiculous decisions that are impossible to implement!  I should run for office!  Nah, I don't care enough to do that.  I'm not greedy or egotistical enough.  Fuck, I'd probably end up pressing the button.

   Not THAT button....sheesh.

Hell YEAH, it's Tuesday! What's on the tube?

   I couldn't give a FUCK less, 'cause I'm watching MMA.  I don't wanna see nothin' but guys beating the SHIT out of each other.

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode 4

This one's strictly for the Comix Fans

   Nothin' but Comix talk in this one.  I'm gonna use the original introduction, because I'm a lazy fuck, and I've got some beer to drink.  It's FRIDAY, MUHMUKKAS!!!

[  Well, here we go again, folks. In rare, rear form tonight, EclipsespilcE winds up his two part love letter to Richard Corben (Platonic, for sure), and makes fun of himself BEFORE you get a chance to (nyahhh...).

   When asked his opinion of last week's episode, Mr. Corben had this to say:
"Hi [EclipsespilcE],
I appreciate your podcast activities concerning Corben. It is very flattering and I thank you, but I look forward to your efforts on more worthy subjects.

Best wishes,
Richard Corben."

   FOOL! Your humility is lost on me, Sir! I know not even the meaning of the word! In fact, I've totally lost track of my own train of thought!! Have at thee, with the compendium of yer own work, tossed back at you like a flying cream pie! There's only one stooge on this stage, and it's gotta be me, 'cause I got pie ALL OVER mah face, dangit! ]

   This is good timing because yesterday I scored a book that I've been looking for for YEARS, and I simply refused to pay full price for it: Banner #1.  I know, I know, it's a MARVEL book.  So fucking what, it's Richard Corben drawing the HULK!  And it was only ONE DALLAH!

Whack Me Wednesday!

   Holy crap, man.  Waht a frigged-up week.  I have pretty frequent computer problems.  This is mainly due to my overwhelming curiosity and experimentation than anything else.  Saturday night, I got tired of playing Bioshock, and wanted to check out an older game related to it.  Unfortunately, this game only runs on Win95.  It MAY run under XP, but it's almost not worth it.  I've been known to go to pretty extreme lengths to play old games.  I've even built custom computers out of old parts I store, and installed old operating systems gauged to the particular game I want JUST to play it.  Then, when I'm done, I disassemble the rig.  I've done this for several games.  One game was Toonstruck.  I HAD to play it, and it would only run on a particular video card, and operating system.  Luckily, I had both stored, and so...it was a great game.  Nowadays (is that a word?), I'm a little more lazy, and try to get them to work on XP.

   So, Saturday night, I tried to install a dual operating system (after a failure with a virtual PC) on my main box and CRASH.  Then, I spent most of sunday re-installing windows.  Well, I was in a hurry, and fucked it up.  That fucked up Monday night, because it took 4-5 hours.  Needless to say, I messed that up too.  For some reason, every night this week, when I tried again, I would do something wrong.  Install drivers in the wrong order, hit the wrong button, whatever.

Last night, I FINALLY got shit straightened out.

Tonight (St Patti's day, me boyo), I'm having a couple pints and catching back up to my game.

   For all of you gamers out there:  If you don't have 4-5 computers ready to go if you smoke your main one trying crazy shit, just stick to the new shit.  You will definitely miss out on some spectacular moments in gaming, but you won't fry your shit.

   Me, I'm not afraid of a little blue flame, and purple smoke burping out of my power supply...I've been there before, and I own a fire extinguisher.  DON'T BE A PUSSY!  TAKE THAT RISK!!

   Next week:  I try to play my old Aerosmith Quest For Fame.  I think I'm going to just build another relic rig, rather than shit on my new, clean OS.  I've just GOT to use this goddamn Virtual Pick, man. It's so cool... Where's my tennis racket?

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode 3

Anyone up for a Hurricane?

   As soon as I got power back after the storm (over a fucking week...I can't remember exactly), I fired up the mic, and crapped out this golden egg.  This is the show that made me rich and famous, leaving the entire internet ringing with the question "eclipsesomething who?".  I described it as a "mindbender" when it was posted on Friday, October 03, 2008, and listening to it again, that description isn't far off.  I was doing a show a week for a while, but just couldn't keep up.  It takes me several nights to put one together and all of my other interests were suffering.  Like playing video games, which is what I'm going to do right now.  IT'S FRIDAY, MUHMUKKAHS!

Terrible Week

Oh, shit.  Damn.  Ass-sandwich.  Buttnugget.  Balls-to-nose, for sure.
Nad-nibblers...butt-munchers...gonad-gobblers...
If it wasn't for video games and Guinness...I swear.

Lucky for you, I've got a new video card.  I've spent the last 5 nights playing Bioshock.

I think I'll keep it up for another couple of days.

Check back friday.  All 2 of you.  Swear, we'll have fun.

Right now, I've got some digital monkeys to kill.

Road Relaxed...

Funny thing happened on the way home...

   Anyone familiar with my particular brand of bitching knows all too well how much I despise driving.

   Not the act.  I love the ACT of driving.  Me and the machine, in sync, flowing and going.  No, I love TO DRIVE.  Performing this act around other humans?  Miserable.

You are all a bunch of lazy, sloppy fucks.  You should be ashamed.

   This particular lazy, sloppy fuck was behind me in a slowdown on 59 north at the 288, Richmond split (for all you Houston Urban Townies), and he was (*ahem*) reading a fucking magazine.  Yep, crusing in a brand new beemer, king shit, reading a fucking magazine.   On top of this, he was hovering about 3 feet from my bumper.  I gave him the pinky.  No reply.  He kept on pushin' up my ass.  So, I just sat.  See, when you tailgate, you give up the option to pass.  You are just too fucking close to go forward, left or right.  You are fucking stuck.  and I sat there.  Shit, it's traffic, man.  There's just NOWHERE to go, anyway.  After a while, I move forward, and he kinda gets the point.  He slacks off...for a minute.  Then, he's right back there, up my ass, magazine on the steering wheel.  So, I downshift.  When you downshift, you suddenly slow down, but there are no taillights to let the lazy cocksmoking cum-eater know it's time to stop.  Of course, he slams on his brakes, and does this crazy pantomime letting me know he gets it.

That's when it gets funny.

   I'm sure I scared the shit out of him.  That's what got to him.  His fear suddenly caused his ego to inflame.  After a minute of peace, a silver turd crowded my rearview mirror again, and I glanced back to see him laughing.  Obviously, and ridiculously, just to let me know that he thought I was funny.

   Okay, man.  Here's the deal:  That Junior-high psychology may work on some lower lifeforms (like your mother), but not on me.  See, I already totally fucking hate you.  There is no room for me to hate you any more.  No more anger to be made.  I'm sure, maybe 10 years ago, it might have made me REAL mad, and something bad would have happened.  I had a little more passion then. 

   But, you must know:  He just looked very, very sad.  He obviously rips people off for a living, and gives not a single shit about the welfare or property of those around him (HER will apply here just as well, thank you not), and he probably should have been aborted.  What a sad, sad fucking society we live in where people are living like rats, breeding the same, and are brainwashed by pathetic, moronic monkeys into propogating a species that is on the verge of eating itself.  Sad, sad and sadder still.  Wonder why I get drunk every Friday?

   All of this went through my mind in less than seconds.  And, when he finally was able to pass me (what I'd been hoping for from the start), he made a big point of showing his ugly, sad, smiling face to me, as if to say: "ha! you didn't scare me!  I'm too well-off to come to harm by the likes of you, accidentally or otherwise (yes, this is ridiculous dialogue.  It's only to point out how ridiculous this monkey looks to me.  How most people look to me, for sure), and I am stronger than you!  AHH, HAHAHAHAAAA!".  Of course, I was just happy to be rid of him.  What a blow to his great big ego it would have been to read my thoughts at that moment.

"Oh, you poor, sad, sick little monkey.  Please don't breed..."

   Really, all of you need a good talking to.  You need help.  I can't help you.  I can only call you a douchebag, and move on.

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode 2

This one got around a bit.

   On the internet, that is.  At least to ME, it did.  Almost 800 downloads from the Archive as of today.  Pretty pathetic by most standards, I'm sure.  But, for a half-hour long show about Underground Comix hosted by a drunk and/or stoned idiotic mysanthropic asshole?  Pretty goddamn good numbers.

   I hadn't gotten around to getting REALLY mad yet.  Or, possibly REALLY drunk.  The first ones, I would start drinking when I started recording.  Later on, I'd have already tied a couple on.  Whatever, it made for a nice, relaxing show.  There's a little story about my first Underground that's really cute and endearing.  You'll wanna give me a BIG HUG!  Well, okay, but only if I get a squeeze in myself.  Man, that feels weird to say, y'all. I'm really not a horny pervo like that...Must be friday.  Must be the Guinness!

   Telling a story is fun, but sometimes I really suck at it.  I make them too long.  It all goes back to the acid days of the early 90's, when we didn't have anything better to do on a weekend than trip and tell LOOOONG, pointless stories that usually made people either groan, or find something heavy to hit us with.  Most of my jokes are like that, too.  Yeah, I said that already, but it's fun. So, I'm working on is a series of little stories from my life that I can...probably...get away with telling.  They'll be short (3-5 minutes). I'll start posting them as soon as I think they are ready.

  Plus, I'm going to work them out on paper before I hit the mic to keep them from getting out of hand.  That's for you, not me.  I could listen to myself ramble on all night, but that's because I love the sound of my own voice.
   Wow, egotism, perversion, drunken debarchery...what have I left out?

Terrible Ass Kicking!

   I'm a few years behind the curve when it comes to games.  That's a gentle way of saying I can't afford the high-end gear.  My PC is circa 2008 overall, and I don't have a console that's younger than 10 years.  I just finished Half Life 2, including the 2 episodes and The Lost Coast.  I think they were released about 2005, right?  I don't know.  I have to play cheap.  Things are tough all over. My gaming budget is slim.  I've got Gametap (don't know why...ever since Sam N Max ended...), and there's a couple things on Steam that were worth buying.  Other than that, I get my games used, or on clearance.  A few games I got cheap ended up making me buy a new video card.  Damnit...  But, that's kickass, 'cause I got to catch up a bit:  Bully (fantastic) GTA4 (still getting started) BioShock (HOLY SHIT...okay, still haven't got past installing), not to mention how it made all my old games look good enough to play again.

   So, what's so terrible about that?  Far Cry.  This shit is just as insane as Half Life 2, although, not quite as refined.  What it has that HL2 didn't was the "sneaky" factor.  You can't fucking sneak up on ANYTHING in HL2.  I've only spent a few hours on it so far, and there's been so many ways to complete the first chapter, my ass is twitching.  Go ahead and watch that clip.  That'll make you thirsty, for sure.  I bought the discs for 5$.  Good buy.  However, do NOT buy Half-Life 2, or ANY steam game used, unless it's under 5 bucks.  Why?  Because the Steam Nazis won't transfer the Game Key for less than 10$, and you have to pay online, AND install their proprietary software.  NAZIS!  That said, I still had to play HL2, so I bought the goddamn discs for 8$, and still had to pay 12$ online to play the goddamn thing.  How fucked up is that??  I owned the goddamn game, and STILL had to pay these bitches.  Tha's just why DIVX went belly-up so quick, you fucks.

   But, Steam aside, the terrible part is how GRUESOME getting killed is in Far Cry compared to other FPS shooters I've played.  Fuck, it's sudden for one...some fucker will sneak up and BAM, red tinged screen, and suddenly sideways, too.  I can't describe it, but it looks JUST LIKE you frikkin' hit the ground yourself.  Oh, SHIT it was so frustrating...  I started bitching, and had to stop the game for half an hour just to relax.  Sad...I destroyed 2 keyboards with the SAME CUP OF COFFEE in one night thanks to the original Half-Life.  Those fucking headcrabs made me jump, and not just once, but TWICE, I knocked my twitch-juce onto my desk.  After the second time (and I was using my wife's keyboard by then), I put the coffee (decaf, by that time) off to the side...

   Yep, the terrible part of tonight is that I have died, HORRIBLY, over 3 dozen times.  And the SOUNDS...ugh...sickening.  I tell 'ya, it's starting to work on my nerves.  By fuck, on Saturday morning, I'm going to FUCK this game up so damn bad...shit...

Whacky Whendnesedy: I can't tell a fucking joke...

...to save my life. My jokes get me shot at.
   Hey, that reminds me of the last joke I tried to tell.  Yep, TRIED.  I have to be in....juuuust....the riiiiight...mood....to pull off a joke (read, slightly bombed on Guinness or Ganja...or both), otherwise I just fuck it all up.  Last joke I tried to tell was the one about the Gaijin businessman visiting Japan for a Merger meeting.  He really had to kiss ass, and get the deal sealed.  Lucky for him, his Japanese host is very kind and easy going.   puts him up in his house, feeds him, introduces his family, and gives him a room for the night.  Well, Mrs. Japanese Host decides to add a couple more creature comforts to his stay, and slips into his room that night.  After a few minutes of clumsy, darkened room funny business, he manages to find a mark (*cough*), and it was off to the races.  Man, he couldn't believe his luck! And she kept squeeking out the same phrase that he couldn't understand, but MAN, IT FELT GOOD!  Over and over, she squeeked the phrase...it burned into his brain...
   Next day on the golf course, he was playing like a champ!  But he had to back off and let his Host win.  He was careful to keep his score close, and on the 17th hole, he winged one juuuuust right... Catching a little wind, that fucking ball bounced twice, and stopped right next to the hole!  He was 45 years old, and this was as close to a hole-in-one he had ever been!  His excitement had him twitching, but he had to throw this game.  Luck was with him again on the last hole as his Japanese Host got a fantastic swing, and rolled into a hole-in-one of his own!  Suddenly relieved and excited at how everything had turned out so perfect, he starts jumping up and down, and screaming the phrase his Host's wife had squeeled gleefully the night before.  Just then, his Host runs up, angrily, and demands to know just what the fuck does he mean "wrong hole"?!
  Yep, I suck.  But it's too late to not read it, huh?

Oh, MAN, that shit is WHACK, yo...

I had to come home early today, so I'm not quite as crazy as I would be on a normal Monday. 

HOWEVER...

The world is just crazy enough without me.

   I don't need to mention the earthquakes.  Murders?  Firestarters?  We got 'em (and PLENTY) here in town, so no...

   I'm talking about daytime television.  More specifically, the Maury show and Cheaters.  Now, I've seen some crazy shit, on TV or otherwise, but this shit is outtasight.  I saw an hour of the Maury show where they had a bunch of DNA test results on one show.  Holy shit!  This one guy had SOLID PROOF that he's had 26 kids!  You should get a look at this guy, man...Straight Pimpin'!  Ghod, just imagine...not only the kind of girl that would let this guy get them pregnant, but there are 26 descendants of this bastard out there spreading those genes!  Hey, you KNOW most of them are living off your tax dollars...right?  You don't?  What are you, some kind of crazy Christian Pro-Lifer??  I've seen these pro-lifers demonstrating outside a clinic I used to pass by every day.  I won't say the typical "who would fuck them?" statement (although that fucker sticks), but I will say:  They were almost all ugly, fat women that obviously didn't have jobs.  What fucking perspective on life would I want from some home-bound, worthless ape that hates everything because they want it?  These are the same women that protest outside Hooters.  They only protest outside Hooters because they can't find an abortion clinic close enough to the house.  Aw hell, I'm not that worried about it, really.  The human race has a long history of killing off the good ones, while letting the shitty ones breed like rats high on bamboo fruit.  That is exactly the reason why I CONSCIOUSLY never had any children.  'Has nothin' to do with "boo-hoo, I can't bring a child into this world!" as much as "aw, fuck, I'm gonna disassociate myself from you stupid monkeys PERMANENTLY".  I don't have to worry about what the world is going to be like in 20, 30 years.  I sure as hell ain't gonna last that long, and I don't have any grandchildren to be concerned with.  I'm the guy that decdided the neighborhood is just too fucked up to fix, so I moved out.  Unfortunately, I didn't move very far, so I still have you stupid monkeys as neighbors.

   If there was a chance in my lifetime that humans could be posted on the moon or Mars, I'd have gone into the military, and worked my way towards astronaut, instead of playing music (dumbass...).  Of course, as long as I have an internet connection.  Goddamn it.  I feel like that douche in Clerks who says "I hate people, but I love gatherings".

   Well, I DON'T love gatherings.  That's one of the reasons I quit playing music in public.  I don't hate bars, but I hate being in a bar, full of crazy drunk people, all staring and yelling at me.  I always envied the sound guy...he got to hear great (sometimes) live music without having to deal with all the hangers-on.  PLUS, they got to drink free!  Hey, Jester, I miss you, man.  You were a smart fucker to stop playing bass and start twiddling knobs, for sure.

   Dang...reading this back, I guess it DID get a little weird after all, eh?  You happy now?  I made an ass out of myself again, right?

Happy to be of service.  Good Day!

Sometimes Sundays! Let's Get Wheezy!

  Just over a month ago, I started seeing YouTube as somewhere other than a place to see old cartoons and people falling off motorcycles (and bicycles, and tricycles, and trampolenes, etc...), and as a home for serious entertainment.  Entertainment of ALL KINDS!  Really, aside from the fools lip-sync'ing, giving beauty tips and just plain ranting about nothing (...*cough*...'scuse me, got some irony caught in my throat), there's a lot of fun to find.
  I now subscribe to about 10 channels.  Mostly silly and personal stuff, like flute playing tips and videos of people playing old video games, but a few that are just people doing their thing.
  The one that made me sit down one weekend and watch YouTube for so long I can't remember (really, it seemed like Saturday morning turned into Sunday night JUST LIKE THAT *snap*), is something I have to share with you.
   Oh, it's not like it's any kind of secret.  I think they are even one of the most subscribed channels ON  YouTube, but still...it's for a reason.
   I'm talking about Wheezy Waiter.  I'm glad I didn't see it before last month...  Even though he's Video and I'm Audio, I'm sure I would've unconsciously adopted some of his manner.  His Band is pretty kick-ass as well.
   So, go and check out Wheezy Waiter on YouTube, or at his own website.  You're Welcome (ungrateful bastard...bitch, whatever!).

Sidebar Saturday!

What does that even mean?  I gotta stop coming up with these ideas on Friday Night...sheesh.

   Well, this sidebar is just a mention about Ads.  You know, the ads that are EVERYWHERE on the internet (most of us can just tune them out by now), and everyone is making money with ads on their blogs, Facelooks, Mindspaces, Yoohoos and MeTubes?  Not me.  Damn, that's scary!  Then people start wondering about the "content".  I Shudder To Think!
   I will never, ever have ads anywhere near me.  I will NEVER try to make money off this stupid shit.  If I was that desperate and stupid, I'd be standing on a corner with a guitar in my hands and a hat on the ground.  No Ads, no Cookies, no nothin'.  I don't care what you do here, and I certainly don't want a nickel a click for it.
  Now, mind you, you'll git hit with crap if you follow some of the links I put on certain words, but I go there first, and make sure it's ligit.  I'll try to stick to the main roads with those links, anyway.  That Nambla one gave me the creeps...  I debated removing it from the moment I put it there, but...it's just so sick, I couldn't undo it.  So, just beware: If you wander away, you won't get a virus; But, you just may get a little queasy.

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode 1

Over the lips, and past the gums.  Look out stomach, here it comes!

   Originally posted on Friday, September 19, 2008, the text intro written by the CBH crew was surprisingly good, and even a little flattering (oh, STOP, you...call me!).  This was the first time I went a full half-hour, and it was pretty easy, if I remember correctly.  Well, I don't, because I was pretty blasted.  Good thing I recorded it, or I wouldn't believe you today (I said WHAT?  I did WHAT???).  If you want to choose your own format, or just stream it, go here.  I post all my shows, buried in this little corner of the Internet Archive.
   This was a nice, heartfelt show, with little or no "angry" going on.  It's also one of the LEAST downloaded shows (73 by time of this post!).  I have no idea why.  I really got kinda paranoid when these shows started going over 300 downloads.  Some have gone close to 1000! That seems like a lot to me, and makes me a bit exposed.  The video, episode 9, doesn't count in my book.  People are MUCH more likely to watch a 3 minute video than download a 30 minute audio-only show.  Especially one about comic books...by someone they've never heard of.  Need I go on?
   When did numbers start to matter?  Somewhere around episode 11...more on that later.  MUCH later.
   The best thing about this show is that I really, REALLY talk about what underground comix are, and how to get them.  The background music is ultrasweet, and from the time period.  I'm just totally astounded that, even after some people started following me, only 73 downloads...goddamn it, at least 10 of those are me, drunk on a friday night, listening to myself talk.  No, that's not sad, trust me.
  
   The main book I did the Funnybook Flashback on, Jeff Jones' (whom has a woefully tiny Wikipedia entry, by the way) "Idyll", was one that made me want to break all kinds of copyright laws, just to show other people something they would otherwise never see; However, and lucky for me, the damn book is just too large to scan on my little lightbox.  Hell, I could probably disassemble it, and scan it on the big rigs at work, but...are you fucking KIDDING ME??? TEAR THIS BOOK APART, JUST SO SOME SHITHEAD CAN DOWNLOAD IT, SAY "it's crap" AND DELETE IT?  Never.  The people that would REALLY want to read this book probably don't illegally download shit off the internet...or at least wouldn't be looking for it.  Well, come to think about it, after listening to this show, you may just want to download it.  Sorry.  If it's out there for free, I wouldn't know.  All's I know is, my big-ass, paper book AIN'T gettin' dismantled...so, you'll just have to listen to me describe it, press the button, and do yer OWN search.

   Right now, I'm serchin' for a lighter...

Wacky Wednesday!

what's whacky abgout  dids weednesdya??  sheeeeit...I'm DRUNKN!

Yep, got reall wahcky this sednesday, and jus got friggin drunk.  Hod damn.

Um, ain got much.  What with bein drunk n all.  kinda hard to type n shit.

   So, shad's whacky about dotay?  Say a car on fire this morning.  Yep, when I appssed it, muhmukkah was lookin like it was lit by lights, or flare or some shit.  Only by looikin in my rear fiew menu did I see the flames likin up from the hood(!) That was hard to type!

Yep, dat shit was on fire@!

   Hell,  man i'm drunk allright.  Fells good.  Hells yeah, drunk on a f...shit, wednes..wednesday night!  Woohiooo!

This gotta be best bolog ever!

TV TUESDAY!

   Yep, I watch me a lots of TV.  Mostly Discovery Channel, Cartoons,  History Channel, prOn, you know...
   This week, I've been treated to ANOTHER guilty pleasure.  Wait, I don't feel guilty about this one.
Undercover Boss on CBS.  Absolute Gold.  I saw 2 episodes.  The first had the COO of Waste Management (not the CEO...that pussy stayed home, and put the scapegoat out in the field, right?) out picking up trash and cleaning out porta-potties.  He went on a collection route with a woman collector, and held her piss-can in his hands.  She handed him her can (I think it was a Maxwell House Decaf)...told him what she does in it, and he just rolled it around in his hands, going "huh...so, you pee in this".  Fucking GOLD!  Man, the one about Hooters...I used to share a 3 bedroom house with two guys that worked at hooters (this was before I was married, for sure), and lemme tell ya...hoo, boy.  I mean...dang.  Good times (*sniff*).  So, this faggot manager makes the girls compete in a bean eating contest from a plate (no hands) to see who gets to go home early.  I would've taken that guy out behind the dumpster and made him eat beans, but captain COO (pussy) just slaps his wrist, and says "bad boy!"  No, really, the COO said to the guy that he would think twice about letting his daughters work for him.  He would ONLY think twice...  Did I mention that I would make this guy eat his own balls in a dumpster?  I don't even HAVE daughters, and I wanted to beat his ass.

What a puss.

BUTT, the show is awesome.

Next week:  Outer Space Astronauts!

Too angry to type

   So many things irritated me today, I just can't organize them without having an an aneurysm.  Even my more level-headed buddy agrees that, really, it's gone WAY beyond the "oh, you're just too fuckin' sensitive...chill out, man" stage, and into full blown "damn, man, you are right.  These guys are total fucking SHITHEADS".

   I want the whole world to stop for a second.  Pick up something similar to a ruler (for all you public-educated kiddies, that's a piece of wood or plastic that has marks on it to measure things!), or ANYthing that might sting like a fucker, and just smack your stupid self across the knuckles.  If you can't find a stick or ruler, just haul off and slap yourself.  Some of you may need to repeat this several times to get the desired effect.

   You know who you are, you know what you did.  No, I'm not talking to some specific person, I'm talking to YOU, dumbass.  Just sit back, and run through your day.  If you don't remember doing anything stupid, it's just because you were too dumb to pay attention.

DUMB.

Sometime Sundays

   Sometimes...on Sundays, crap may float to the surface here.  Fun stuff, light stuff...the stuff I normally keep to myself.  See, you should keep the stuff you really like to yourself.  That way, nobody will want to take it from you, crap on it, or otherwise adulterate it to the point that you don't like it anyomre.  Hey, that's what monkeys do. Get used to it.

Yeah, I've got a plan.

   Every day of the week, something new.  Well, whenever I feel like it, of course; But, particular topics will fall on a predictable day.

Fer instance:
*Maniac Mondays - I'm gonna let you have it.  And, you can't give it back, because I don't want it.  I'm done with it, dig?
*TV Tuesday (you seeing the theme?  It's not to be cute, it's so's I can fuckin' remember it, allright?)
*Wacky Wednesday - Because this day is spelled so frikkin' weird, that's when the really weird shit will emerge.  Seems natural to me.
*Terrible Thursday - Here is where we'll showcase the heights of our civilation, eh?  Although, sometimes these heights will seem like lows, that's all perspective, my friend.  It's like, sometimes you may feel like you are on top of the world, but other people like me will see the truth:  Yep, yer standing on a great big pile of shit.  Plant yer flag, fag.  Take a whiff...Viva la Evolution!  *P-Tui!*
and, of course:
*Fantastic Fridays!  I'll either re-release an old show, or (when I run out), continue the new line.  Yep, it's all downhill from here on out.

   Then, there's Sidebar Saturdays (again, this is to keep me within bounds, not to establish any kind of special program schedule.  It's all about my brain, mang).  I'll have some Shout-Ins and other mentions of stuff that I just fucking like, and you can just frikkin' like it.  I will be sure to keep the stuff I REALLY like to myself.  So's you monkeys don't poop on it, and stuff.

And sometimes?  Sundays...

*Sniff*...Allright...piss off.

Goddamn Brad Muhmukka...

   This guy Brad is a sick sombitch.  That makes him normal, in my eyes.  Well, I've never seen him, but it's a goddamn colloquialism, you uncultured bastard.  He creates comix that you just can't look away from...no matter how hard you try.  I'm sure, like me, he may often be ashamed of his work, but NO...no, my friend.  Let your freak flag FLY!!

   And so, I want to make this my first official SHOUT IN...To Mr. Brad Hodges, and his Deritive...Dere...Direitv...shit.  Gimmie a moment to Google this shit...

Derivative! Hot Damn!

Derivative Comics.  Don't be ashamed, dear Fanboy...

This may be a well-kept secret.  It's up to you to decide.

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode Zero

Strike Two! Alright, enough with the baseball metaphors...

here's the show.

Originally posted on Saturday, September 13, 2008, I really tried on this one.  It's pretty mellow, too.

   There weren't many outlets for information on these Underground Comix when I was a kid.  There weren't no Internet, and there sure weren't nobody talking about this shit, neither.  You had to find out the hard way.  Fortunately, the Hard Way in Comix is not nearly as Hard as the Hard Way in other endevors...Like experimenting with the subject matter found WITHIN the Comix.  That's another path altogether.

   Luckily for you folks, the INNERNET HAS ARRIVED!  Well, it's been here for a while, but you get what ah'm sayin'.  Do you feel me?  You do?  Hell, I'm filing a sexual harrassment suit!  Get yer stinkin' paws offa me, you damned dirty ape!

   This episode was short.  It barely lasted the length of a (small) Yes song.  Yes, I understand that my use of music does not fall under "Fair Use".  That's why I'm UNDERGROUND.  Even though it's pretty easy to find me using the Interweb (mostly because of the ignorant use of my pseudonym in the late 90's), I still maintain a reletively low profile.  Part of the blame for me producing more shows and content lately falls completely on the shoulders of YouTube.  I've been perusing the pages, looking at the Vids, and...man, if anything, I think my shows are pretty tame compared to some of this crazy shit up on YouTube.  Hell, these maniacs show their insanity AND their face, for all to see.  Me, I'm a little more private than that. While I may get comfortable later and show my face, for the time being, I'm comfortable with my limited anonymity.  I just can't do that, because I...well, I'm kinda breaking a couple of laws.  That said, I'm looking into using mostly (if not comPLETELY) Creative Commons music.  There is a bunch of it that is GOOD, and will work.  I just have to get over that hump.  I like the music I like, and I want to share it.  You CAN'T steal it from me, because my crappy voice is all over it.  It can't be extracted from the show, period.  PLUS, I'm not making (or even attempting to make) a single penny off this crap.  It's pure pleasure.  It's pure therapy.  It's pure entertainment...well, at least it's entertaining to me...

So, dive into this show.  It's easy to digest, and I talk about Comix for the entire length.

For those whom enjoy my tirades, this will not please.  But it's a fitting introduction.

   Oh, you can check out my latest show (16) up on the Archive: CheckYerHead...comixSourSixteen
I won't post it here until I've run out of older shows (boo hoo!).  The rights to posting the latest shows still lie with the Comic Book Haters...however, they are incommunicado at the moment, so I don't know if they are ignoring me, hate me, or are just too busy to give a shit.  Long story short, they hate me.  I KNOW they do.

That's okay...I still love THEM.  AND GODDAMN IT, I'M GONNA KILL 'EM WITH KINDNESS!!

Kindness is what I named my new aluminum baseball bat...kidding.  Sheesh, touchy fuckers, ain't ya?

   It may seem like I'm reaching a bit with that title, but when you hear it, you will understand.  Then comes Episode 18...HOT DAMN, WE'RE FINALLY LEGAL!!!  IT'S THE SEX EPISODE!!!  GET YER LUBE READY, KIDS!

Man torches expensive home and wrecks expensive plane into IRS Building

   I'm not gonna wax on this for very long.  This guy was a fucking moron.  What a stupid way to get your point across.

   At this point, I'm sure I'm not the first one to point out that he probably could've sold some of his shit, payed off the IRS, and lived a more simple life (within his means, maybe?).  Unfortunately, he was a human being (read: Self-Absorbed, Inconsiderate, Retarded Hairless Ape); Therefore, it was time to just go Ape-Shit.

Glad to know I can still count on monkeys to find the most retarded solution possible...

   No, I will not stop using the word Retarded.  I will also probaly use words like Faggot, Cunt, Fuckwit, Ass-licking Cum Crust, etc...

   Tomorrow night, I re-introduce my first "real" show.  Coming up as well, Written Reviews(!) of several Comix I just never remember when I'm Droned & Recording...eventually.