Check Yer Head...Comix: Episode 10: Zombie EclipsespilcE!

Oh, no...I can't believe it. I thought the nightmare was over!

   "It's time to check yer self. EclipsespilcE comes back like a Tsunami. Don't call it a comeback, I been here for a couple minutes.

   If I don't mess you up this time, I'm wasting mine. Don't waste yours for a minute more. Score a fat sak of comix and mind bending music and dialogue in this episode of smack you back."

Tea-Bagging Maniacs fight for their shitty "Life-style"!

   I'm not usually one of those "I told ya so" kinda guys.  Shit, if you didn't listen the first time, you're on your own.  Of course, I don't have access to the kind of ears that really need to hear what I have to say, and I doubt they'd listen anyway.

   What am I mad about?  Shit, many things, but I'll narrow it down to just a couple.

   One:  Fuck oil.  Fuck it.  Fuck you if you want us to keep drilling.  Fuck you if you waste it on a big-ass Rush Limbaughmobile.  Mainly, fuck the entire oil & gas industry.  And fuck the auto industry as well.  These dickheads are like smokers that get cancer, and still refuse to quit.  If it were up to me, I would buy them a metaphorical Carton Of Smokes, and let them kill themselves, but the metaphor involves "second-hand smoke", and I'd (we'd) end up losing a lung along with them.

   See, I'm a little pissed off about that fucking offshore oil rig that blew up.  Not only did some poor guys (that were only looking for a paycheck, I know) DIE in a huge flaming mess, but NOW (dig this shit), THEY ARE NOT SURE HOW SOON THEY CAN SHUT OFF THE FLOW OF OIL. 

   [Does anyone else think it's funny this shit happened just hours before "Earth Day" Began?  God works in mysterious ways, eh?]

   Yeah, you heard me.  Thousands and thousands of gallons of gooey DINOSAUR SHIT (and rotten old trees) that should have just fucking stayed in the ground is now belching out on the sea floor, killing shit and knocking a few years off of humanity's dance card.

   But, that's not the worst of it.  The absolute WORST are the fucking idiotic tea-baggers.  While earthquakes shake, tornadoes and tidal waves blow us away, volcanoes erupt all around, these faggots are bitching about losing their "lifestyle".  These fucking morons scream things like "drill now, drill here!" and other completely fucking stupid phrases, and LAUGH at the idea of climate change.  Yeah, I know, right?  They want to keep their 100,000$ jobs, their illegal workforce, their Escalades, and they are prepared to let the poor die slowly of horrible diseases if they have to!  They are willing to sacrifice anything (of yours) to save their worthless asses.  I mean, their spokesperson is a single mother that was too stupid to use a condom and wants to ramp-up oil drilling in Alaska. Why?  Does she think it's good for the country?  Do they think that it is good for the world?  Fuck no, they just want money.  AND THEY WANT IT NOW, BEFORE THE SHIT HITS THE FAN.  These fuckholes think that just laughing while you say "global warming" causes the concept to lose credibility...that's funny, I usually laugh when I say the words "Jesus" or "God"...or "Clean Coal" (laughs out loud).  Hell, I'd like to see these buttfucking assholes really fight for what they believe in.  I say, put them in the fucking ring, with the prize being a huge tax break.  Hell, offer them NO TAXES FOR A YEAR if they get in the ring with a pro for just a few minutes (a'la Bully Beatdown).  Shit, that's all they are anyway:  Douchebag Bullies.

   I've got an idea how we can solve two problems at once:  Take all the Tea-bagging ball-lickers and all the oil and gas execs, remove their bones, feed the meat to the poor animals locked in zoos and grind their bones into glue.  Then you take the glue, and plug up that fucking oil hole they made in the ocean floor.  The auto industry guys?  Fuck, just set up a sting-style operation, saying they won a new pair of jet-skis, and when they walk in the door, whack them with a hammer...JUST LIKE THE COWS THEY EAT!  Shit, they love oil so much, we should make them drink it.  Bottoms up, faggots!  Hey...why do we call cow meat "beef", but chicken is just chicken?  Deer=Venison, Baby Lamb=Veal, but chicken?  Just fucking chicken.  Sorry, back to the misanthropic rant already in progress.

Hey, my idea is no less crazy than theirs.  Oil?  OIL??  Really??  Are you that fucking greedy and lazy?  Rhetorical question, dipshit...

   I'm also willing to bet various body parts that the majority of these ignorant douchebags are "god-religious" as well.  On behalf of the semi-intelligent portion of the human race, let me be the first to tell you fuckers:  Heaven's not overflowing.

   I suppose I'll eventually have the opportunity to tell them what I think about their beliefs when we all get to hell.  See you there, you fucking dinosaurs.  You, me, Hitler and fucking Oral Roberts can sit around drinking oil, discussing the best methods of breeding stupid monkeys for the purpose of mass consumption of poisons for profit, until fucking eternity yells "last call".

Eat shit and keep breeding, idiots.  That's my recipe for Suck-Cess.

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode 9: Check Yer Video

Here, take it home with you!

[For some reason, this remains the most downloaded of all my shows. 1,203 times (What the fuck?).  I can't get the embedding to work (it cuts the video in half), so click on the link above, choose "open", and it should play in your chosen video player... or not. Who knows, you could have a really shitty computer. Allright, which one of you bastards said "just like yours"?  Anyway, if you don't want the nice-looking version, click here, and it won't take 3 minutes for your crappy computer to download.  Either way, yer gonna haveta delete it when yer done.]

  "Well, folks, It's been an interesting Holiday season. It started out with a nasty little virus that wiped out my HDD. Since episode 9 was obliterated, I just decided to make a little video tour of my studio and comix vault.
I'm no Spielberg, so don't expect Oscar material.


SEE...how my drunk ass lives.

WITNESS...as I stumble around my comix vault, trying not to trip over stacks of comic books

AGONIZE...as you and your co-miserators try to figure out exactly WHAT IS WRONG with me!!

(no comix were harmed in the creation of this video)"

Too Many Games, not enough time...

   Howdy, Y'all!  It's Sunday again, and I'm wasting it playing video games.  That should explain why there hasen't been any text blogs for the past couple weeks.  Apparently, I'm in a low point of my addiction cycle...

   Usually I only feel like gaming on Saturday, 'cause I can stay up half the night if I need to (need...sheesh!).   Bioshock kinda screwed that up.  I was playing just about every night, being careful to go to bed on time.  Getting up at 4:30 is a bitch when you went to bed at 12:30.

   But, I finished Bioshock (twice), and moved on to some other games I've had sitting around collecting dust:  Infernal (I got it cheap), Far Cry, Timeshift, Quake4 (yes, I still haven't got deeper than the first level) and Doom 3(ditto).  I bought Call of Duty (original) Deluxe edition Box set for 5$, and Saints Row 2 for the same price.  Then I realized:  TOO MUCH!  TOO MANY GAMES TO CHOOSE FROM!!

I'm up to my nipples in gaming goodness!!

   Today, my chores are done (save the laundry, which takes all damn day), so I'm diving into Prey.  Hell, it almost took as long to develop the damn game as it did for me to get around to playing it.  It's worth the wait, though, because I have a much better video card than before, and can see all the pretty stuff!  Well, to call all that gorey sick scary stuff pretty....you'd have to be a gamer, I guess...or a horror movie freak.

  I must say, and if you've clicked any of the links above you'll agree, that Youtube has inadvertantly done something great for the Gaming community.  If you just don't have the skills, hardware or time, you can STILL experience some of the greatest games on the planet.  All thanks to gamers themselves, and the "free" posting abilities they get from Youtube.  Great job, guys (and girls!)

   Well, shit....I got some aliens to disembowel.  LATER!

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode Ate

Click here to save it for later...

   What happens when EclipsespilcE drinks Budwiser instead of Guinness??  Lemme tell 'ya...it ain't purty.  Good thing this is an auditory medium!  Prepare yer puckered puss for this binaural, Budwiser bullshit, baby!

   Soon as I get drunk enough, We can press the button, and pour ourselves a big friggin' glass of badass old comix.  I got Skull Comix on tap this week, and draughts are CHEAPCHEAPCHEAP!!!  Does anybody else miss nickel beer nights at Numbers?

  Anyway, I wouldn't recommend any hallucinogens for this show, kids.  It's weird enough all on it's own.

Shitbar Shiterday: What's in store

Howdy, y'all.

This is the explanation section.

   You may have listened to my last show and wondered: "Halloween?  WTF?  It's fucking april, for fuck's sake!!  And, what was that shit about Ike, a year and a half late?

You are absolutely right.  It IS April, for fuck's sake. April 2010.

   Okay, here's what's going on:  I started this blog recently, but I've been making shows for a couple of years.  They were put up on the Archive, and the Comic Book Haters posted them on their blog for me.

   Yeah, it's all about being "underground".  There were a lot of promises made, and I tried to keep them, but there's a quality that can't be reached when your heart isn't into it.  My heart isn't always into it.  There are a lot of things begging my interest, and keeping up with THAT kind of quality on a weekly basis wasn't a promise I could keep.

   So, I wanted a BIG break.  Bigger than big.  Like, a year off.  I only want to make shows when I WANT to.  That way, they'll be worth listening to, right?

   With this blog, I'm putting the shows out once a week until I'm cashed.  Right now, I'm sitting on 17 shows.  That's 16 released shows, and one I'm not so done with (lazy fuck...).  We're at seven, right?  That leaves about 9 shows to go until 17.  Therefore, 8 weeks from now, I start putting out new shows.  At the rate of one per week, no less, I guess...

   No, I don't know what they are going to be like yet.  All's I know is: New shows are going to be a mixed bag.  Some audio, some video, some short and some long.  The video is what's gonna be fun.  I've been practicing with my camera, and checking out Youtube, and let me tell ya: they ain't got shit on what I'm gonna put out. Editing?  Shit, I don't have the patience to edit video.  It's all gonna be one-take or nothin'

   Best of all:  I ain't gonna advertise.  Yep, I'll be lucky if one or two people EVER SEE or HEAR this shit...  Because, I want to stay hidden, y'all.  I know: Kinda crazy to put this kind of work into something yer gonna hide, right?  Well, lemme tell you about my music career...nah, nevermind.

And I'm cool with that.  That's what underground is all about.

   So, if you are reading this: you are lucky...I guess.  Lucky in the sense that you stumbled upon something that very, very few people are ever going to be aware of.

   Enjoy.  Because, there are few things in this life that are still hidden treasures.  What I share with you is, to me, my treasures.  It's my time, my heart and my soul.  I will only speak when I have something to say, and I will use as few words as possible, taking care that you are entertained either way.  Still, you can just ignore me, and enjoy the music for all I care.  At least you get something out of it.

Remember:  It's free, and I gain absolutely nothing...save the personal therepudic benefits, of course.

Cheers, muhmakkas!

Check Yer Head...Comix, Numbah Seben

clickety right here to download

   "Ahhhhhhh.....that's better. Niiiiiice and quiet. Looks like things are lightening up a bit here. How's about a whole show where you don't get bitched at? Even better than that, we talk about comix through the whole show! No, I'm serious!


Unfortunately, it's only half as long as usual.

   You gotta take the good with the bad, y'all...and determine which is which.

   Either way, you'd be screwed in the head if you didn't download this here pudcast.

And, make sure yer smiler ain't broke."

TV Tuesday: BULLY BEATDOWN!!!

   Yeah, muhmukkah...3 exclamation points(!).  I've loved this show from the get-go.  Everything about it is tits (pardon the expression, but...who DOESN'T like boobies?  Well, you just shut the hell up, then.), and I can't get enough.

  However, there hasn't been a new episode in a loooong time.  A LOOOOOOONG time.  WTF?  OMG!  There, I made my quota of idiotic internet "slang" for the year.  Internet slang!  Making your kids a little more illiterate every day!  Can you believe they don't even bother to teach cursive writing anymore?  They have to grade papers with RU in place of Are You and shit like that.  Fuck, how did I get off track?

 Oh, yeah...Bully Beatdown!  And, the best thing about Bully Beatdown is Jason "Mayhem" Miller.  You simply cannot find a more entertaining fighter or host.  Some of his pranks are sublime, and I dig how he plays "possum" in his fights.

   Why aren't there any new episodes?  Did all the bullys catch part of the first season, and now they can't talk anyone into the ring?  That fucking sucks.  It's also typical MTV bullshit.  Whenever they get a show that is worth a shit, they only make a couple seasons worth of shows, and then just re-run them for years.  Must I add to the Canon of bitching about how sad MTV is?  What does the M stand for, anyway?  Moron?

   So, step the fuck up, MTV.  Fuck Jersey Shore (train wreck), fuck Real World (what a bullshit name) and fuck Road Rules (what kind of fag watches that shit, anyway???).  Bring back the fucking BEATDOWN goddamnit.

   By the way, you should also change the name of "Sucker Free" to "Shithead Packed".  I don't care that it sounds stupid...you should hear some of the crap they play on that show...REEEEEEEALY stupid.

   Wow, this started as a plea for more shows, and ended up as a wedgie.  You fucking deserve it, you little MTV bitches.  You don't like it?  Well, get me in the ring, muhmukkah!

Bioshock Blues

  I finished playing Bioshock on the PC just a few minutes ago, and now I'm sad.  I always get a little sad when I finish a game.  I dragged this one out, too.  However, there are 3 different endings, and I've only seen one of them.  The thing that keeps me from going back and playing again is that the ending I got was pretty lame.  30 seconds of video that stuttered, and only left me with questions.  I suppose, that's why they made Bioshock 2.

   If you are not familiar with the game, it's pretty damned hard to describe.  I'm not going to bother.  There's plenty of info out there, so go look for yourself.  I will say that to this date, it's the best shooter I've ever played.  Very dark, disturbing, and it fucks with you right until the end.  I leaped out of my seat more times than I did playing the first Half-Life.  I finished all of the Half-Life 2 plus episodes and lost cost just a week before I started Bioshock.  I'm glad I did, because I would have been constantly comparing  them to each other, and having Bioshock come out on top.

   Now I have to decide:  Do I replay it two more times, changing my gameplay to see the alternate endings, or do I just go to Youtube, watch them, and get on with another game...Oh, man, it's hard being so lazy...

Addendum:  April 10, 2010 - almost done with my 2nd time through, and it's a whole new game.  Kickass.

Check Yer Head...Comix, Oh Sicks...

Click here to slowly get wasted!

[I know I'm a day late...did anyone REALLY notice?  Just for that, I'm leaving the blog open until Monday afternoon!  New posts scheduled all weekend.  Consider that a threat, not a promise.]

   "Hey, I've got a great idea! You tell your mom you're stayin' at my house, an' I'll tell MY mom I'm stayin' at YOUR house, and we'll hang out at the park, smoke and catch toads, so's we can shove firecrackers in their mouth, an'...hey, where'ya goin'? Well, we can at least download this here pudcast from eclipsespilce, and laugh our nutz off, right? Allright, cool. I'll go score a lid. Meet you back here in 30 minutes."

Wacky World News

   There's more and more talk nowadays about the shit going on in Mexico.  Apparently the drug cartels are operating in such an open and brazen manner, and stepping up violence exponentially, that the Mexican Tourisim market is taking a nosedive.  Not to mention all of the "innocent" people caught in the crossfire.

   It seems so stupid to me.  When you think about it:  Only 2 major "drugs" come out of the south directly.  Some things are routed THROUGH Mexico, but just as much comes in from Canada.  I guess the Canadians aren't quite as violent, but I can only suppose...Anyway, it's mostly Cocaine and Marijuana.  Meth is made down the street in that shack behind that crappy house.  I have no idea where the Heroin comes from (never seen any, myself), but I bet it comes into the states through the NorthWest.  Some of it is smuggled in, of couse.  Actually, I'm sure just about ANYONE would be surprised if we saw some  real numbers of how much crap is shipped in through FedEx and the like....REALLY surprised.

   But, the reason it seems so stupid is:  We could FINALLY end prohibition of Marijuana, set up some Domestic operations, and simply drive them out of business!  Once the only thing they are smuggling is Cocaine and Humans, we can simply start shooting them in the face and leaving them by the side of the road. Because Coke is retarded, and slavery is abbhorent!!  Marijuana?  You really want to compare that to Human Trafficking and Crack???

If you said "yes" then I would like to offer you a free trip to Tiajuana!  One way, of course...

If you make it back, please let me know how you feel about Domestic Marijuana Production then.

   Marijuana = Paper, Biofuel, Clothing, New Jobs, Freedom for incarcerated "non-criminals", to make room for all the cocksmoking pederasts they let go to make room for the potheads, and UNLIKE OIL it's a fucking RENEWABLE RESOURCE!!!!

   I'm not saying anything that millions upon millions of other people know and repeat themselves.  I'm sure it will be ignored just the same.  Most people can't say anything because either they are afraid to be outted as a "druggie", or they simply can't talk with Big Oil's dick in their mouth.

   Here's a scenario:  You come home from a hard day at work, plop down on the couch and smoke a joint.  Your neighbor passes by your door, smells it, and calls the cops.  15 minutes later, some cops are at your door, and you are going off to jail.  While waiting for a trial, your wife visits to let you know that the registered sex offender on parole that has been living across the hall has raped and killed your daughter.  Plus, you lost your job, not only because of the "drugs", but they are moving your position to "offshore".  Meaning, somebody in India is going to make 3 dollars an hour doing your job.

   It may seem ridiculous to you...but then, so does strapping a bomb to yourself and wandering onto a subway.  And that shit NEVER happens, right?