Whacky Whendnesedy: I can't tell a fucking joke...

...to save my life. My jokes get me shot at.
   Hey, that reminds me of the last joke I tried to tell.  Yep, TRIED.  I have to be in....juuuust....the riiiiight...mood....to pull off a joke (read, slightly bombed on Guinness or Ganja...or both), otherwise I just fuck it all up.  Last joke I tried to tell was the one about the Gaijin businessman visiting Japan for a Merger meeting.  He really had to kiss ass, and get the deal sealed.  Lucky for him, his Japanese host is very kind and easy going.   puts him up in his house, feeds him, introduces his family, and gives him a room for the night.  Well, Mrs. Japanese Host decides to add a couple more creature comforts to his stay, and slips into his room that night.  After a few minutes of clumsy, darkened room funny business, he manages to find a mark (*cough*), and it was off to the races.  Man, he couldn't believe his luck! And she kept squeeking out the same phrase that he couldn't understand, but MAN, IT FELT GOOD!  Over and over, she squeeked the phrase...it burned into his brain...
   Next day on the golf course, he was playing like a champ!  But he had to back off and let his Host win.  He was careful to keep his score close, and on the 17th hole, he winged one juuuuust right... Catching a little wind, that fucking ball bounced twice, and stopped right next to the hole!  He was 45 years old, and this was as close to a hole-in-one he had ever been!  His excitement had him twitching, but he had to throw this game.  Luck was with him again on the last hole as his Japanese Host got a fantastic swing, and rolled into a hole-in-one of his own!  Suddenly relieved and excited at how everything had turned out so perfect, he starts jumping up and down, and screaming the phrase his Host's wife had squeeled gleefully the night before.  Just then, his Host runs up, angrily, and demands to know just what the fuck does he mean "wrong hole"?!
  Yep, I suck.  But it's too late to not read it, huh?