Check Yer Head...Comix, Ep 18 WE'RE FINALLY LEGAL!

Howdy, Y'all! I needed some therapy, and it's been years. Here's a new show to enjoy. Keep your ear out for thunder, because that was not a sound effect, and the timing was not intentional (shudder). Be sure you get a little loaded before listening, and headphones are a MUST.

Download: http://archive.org/download/CheckYerHead...comixEp18/CheckYerHead...comixEp18.mp3

I haven't put shit here for a while, man.  Hell, might as well shit here as anywhere.  Here's a quick drawing to get it started.

Next: Check Yer Head...back from the dead??

Drawings...drawringss...

For some reason, I've been painting and drawing a lot more lately.  I'm gonna post a bunch of them as soon as I'm sober enough to (it was a rough Tuesday, my friends... friend...).  Tomorrow, I'll put one here!

There, tha's not so bad, eh?
More to come.  Just...not tonight...oh, my head.

TLC: Freaks on display...

   I Realized that the channel TLC (The Learning Channel), has changed a bit from it's onset.  While it IS a spinoff of the Discovery Channel, it's vastly different, and now I can clearly see the direction it has been heading:

TLC is the Freakshow Channel.

   Don't believe me?  Check it out.  Now, some of you may say "aw, man...don't call little people 'freaks', that ain't nice".  Hey, I didn't set the channel's programming, so don't blame me that the Little People, Big World show is on the same channel as Hoarding: Buried Alive and Kate Plus 8 (formerly, there was a sperm donor that got booted because he actually wanted to put his penis in a woman, not jerk off in a cup...ahem), 18 kids and counting (don't get me started on how disgusting this atrocity is...NOW IT'S 19!), Make Room for Multiples...essentially, what that guy with the bombs strapped to his chest was pissed about:  All the shows about crazy breeders.  I hate the population problem, and refuse to contribute to it, but I stop WAY shy of pointing guns at people for being stupid.  Shit, let them hold the gun, and put it in their own mouth.  It's a lot quicker than BREEDING the human race to death.  Anyway, where were we?  Oh yeah, LA Ink, Pregnant at 70, Say Yes to the Dress, and NOW a show called FreakY Eaters.  It's a lot like hoarders, but for fatasses.

   Yep, you can ferget the sideshow.  Just tune into TLC, and see the freaks on parade.  Maybe they will point at your ugly, fast-food eatin', overbreeding ass and say "ONE OF US, ONE OF US, ONE OF US!"

Children: What you need to know.

I'm gonna lay it out for you all nice and easy-like:
Having a child is a responsibility.
Having 2 children is a burden.
Having 3 children is irresponsible.
Having 4 or more children is criminal.
Having children out of wedlock is retarded (gay OR straight...)
But, breeding at all, in this day and age, makes you a dumbass.
Any questions?  Write them down, fold it up (nice and neat), spit on it and shove it straight up your fuckhole.

What to bitch about

Oh, my...where to start.
The Discovery Channel Guy (and everything that goes with it...)
Auto-Tune?
The Latest Driving Atrocities?

These and more are full-on shitty bits of humanity that need to be eviscerated, and I shall.

Tonight, it's all about the 3 day weekend...and that means: keeping cool.

I got a "new" mount brace for my Ludwig 1978 orange polyurethane kick drum, and Tuesday, my new ride cymbal should arrive.  In the interim, I'm twiddling thumbs, and playing Redneck Rampage.

I feel a rant coming on...

Why the silence...

   I just haven't been able to bitch lately. Nor has it been easy to be happy. I'm simply disgustipated. I got really pissed, then depressed about the oil shit in the gulf. There's a seemingly endless variety of catastrophes occurring daily, and it's just a bit too much to take. Every time I start talking or typing about what is upsetting me, I get MORE upset...

Well, I'm NOT GONNA.

I will say this:
   I hope you oil-sucking faggots drown in petroleum. I hope your children get cancer in their ass because you fed them tainted fish. And MOST OF ALL, I want you to understand WHY you suck. The first two are a real possibility, but the last one? There's no hope for self-realization here. Idiots live idiotically, and die idiots.

So, fuck that.

   Instead, I'm going to play some video games (The Path), and watch my favorite shows (American Pickers, Pawn Stars, Ultimate Fighter), and ignore you fucking idiotic monkeys for a little while.

Nothing this week.
Next week, new show.

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode 17: Check Yer Video Numero Dos (AKA: Check Yer Closet [AKA: Porno for Moonshit]).

You may have to download it.

   It's Friday, around 7 pm...central standard time...do you know where your beer is??

   This is only a test. Were it an actual episode, you would be advised to seek the nearest shelter, and await further instructions. Repeat: This is only a test.

   (EclipsespilcE is not responsible for anyone hearing the audio of this clip, and believing that you are watching online porn.)

...what IS in the closet???

Check Yer Head...Comix, Sour Sixteen

The Sound of One Hand Clapping.

   This is the first episode that wasn't published by the CBH crew.  For those that don't know (and, how could you possibly find this page withOUT knowing??), that stands for the Comic Book Haters, or Commentary By Haters, whatever you choose.  I miss those guys.  But, my aim is getting better, and I'll get 'em yet.  I suddenly had a picture of that scene in "The Jerk" where Steve Martin is working at the gas station, and a sniper is on the hill shooting at him, hitting cans of oil.  He yells "somebody hates these cans!"

   That had nothing to do with anything, just like this narrative.  Look, just shut up and listen to the damn show, already...you might not learn anything, but it's fun.  Kinda like America's Funniest Home Videos, without all the crotch shots.  Okay, it's ALL crotch shots.  Sue me.

Check Yer Head...Comix, Level 15

cacadoodiepeepeepoocacadoodiepeepeepoocacadoodiepeepeepoo...

Check Yer Head...Comix, episode 14

Waste some Hard Drive Space!

  The sweet, dulcet tones of home... And a voice of idiocy amongst the retarded. Let's just dance between the raindrops, you and I. Mind you, when them music stops, I'm yankin' the seat out from under yer ass.

Because, this cake-walk is mine. And so is that cake, muhmukkah.

Open To The Public

   Well, I don't know if it's just because I'm desensitized from the massive web-surfing recently, or that I'm buzzed on Guinness on a Tuesday night, but I'm gonna open up the door.  I'll just let my "freak flag fly" for more than just Friday & Saturday night.  Of course, if I start getting a bunch of spastic reactions to my shit, I'll pull the plug.  I just hate the idea of some poor soul out there, yearning for learning, NOT to be disgusted (or, possibly incensed) by my brand of angry, idiotic slander.  Face it, Kids:  There's so much bullshit out there, it's a crime to obscure the honesty, even a little bit.

   Send all your hate mail to eclipsespilce(at)hotmail.com, or just leave a shitty comment wherever it's allowed.  Yes, I moderate, but I won't censor your hate.

I just may reply, though...and that may be infinitely worse.  Cheers.

Check Yer Head...Comix, Lucky Turd-een!

Save some for later, dude!

   Are you in the mood for a headache? Well, ME NEITHER. So, remember the show's called "Check Yer Head...Comix". First: we check your head (think HOCKEY), THEN...we talk about Comix. Note the three dots that separate the head thing from the comix thing.


   So, load that bowl, pop that top, strip down to yer comfy undies (boxers are more covering, my friends...we don' wanna see yer junk), and get ready for a brag-fest! Happy Birthday, muhmukkahs!

Divorce: Maniac Style!

   Allright, I know there's a lot of shit going on in the news, and it's hard to focus on one particular thing for very long.  You may have even missed this one.  That's why I'm about to share with you something pretty fucked up.

   This dude here in a suburb of houston was having an argument with his wife in the driveway on Sunday morning while their three kids were in the house  They were yelling loud enough for the neighbors to notice.  The mother was pregnant with number four.  We can only assume what their home life must have been like.  I mean, pretty new (large) house in a nice neighborhood, new car, blah blah.  Apparently he was an engineer for an oil company (Oil? Really?)  Hell, they seemed to be living the dream, right (read: breeding like crazy)?

   But, something mommy said REALLY pissed daddy off, so he shot her.  Dead.  Right there in the driveway.  Then he tried, momentarily to drag the body off, but realized it was a moot point.  So, he brought the kids out to take a look at the body.  He and the kids are the only ones who know what happend next.  In my mind, I see him pointing at her, and telling the kids "see what happens when you piss daddy off?"

   Of course, the baby (7 months in the womb) was killed as well.  Usually in this type of situation, they kill all the kids, and then themselves.  Not this time, though.  Just her (and the baby, but what can you do...).

   The big kicker is when they showed him being interviewed, in cuffs, on the news. He just smiled at the camera and said: "She had it coming".

What do you think about that?

   If that's not enough craziness for Monday, there was a couple here that was suffering financial problems.  They were about to lose their house, etc.  So, what did they do?  Write detailed Suicide notes, and killed themselves. 

   Problem is:  They didn't let anyone know (and they probably didn't have any friends), so they just laid there for about a month until the neighbors couldn't stand the smell anymore, and called someone to check it out.

Two tiny, little stories in a great big sea of Fucked-Up.

In the future, only the BEST plants will survive!!

I'm finally able to play Beneath A Steel Sky, a Futuristic adventure game from the early nineties. Wandering around trying to figure out what to do next, I noticed this shrub...

Curious, When I clicked to look at it, It said...

So I reached out to touch it...

The atrium was full of them!

Now, you KNOW my first thought, right? Well, to my surprise, my character echoed my idea!

Happy Gaming!

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode 12: So Long, Shitheads.

Here, put it on yer I-Pud!

   I debated for weeks whether or not to cut the end of this show off, and try to restore the original Funnybook Flashback.  That choice was lost to me a while back when I had my last HDD crash, so... Fuckit.

   I'm leaving it on, and I wish I'd had some beer last night, I would've added some shit.

   Rollitup(dot)org can choke on a big, diseased donkey dick.  I still hate those idiotic twats, and if I had a god to pray to, I'd pray they all get cancer in their ass.  Hell, they'd probably be happy.  Then they could get Medical Marijuana.

   By the way, you can still go to their forum, and read my posts (Yes, they never deleted them!).  You will be hard put to find more elequent profanity in your lifetime.  I'm even proud of it, now.  I'd give you the link, but I don't want to give those dickless babyfuckers any more advertising.

Enjoy!

I'm adding the original comments below because I liked them so much!
_____________________________________________________
6 Comments:


2/23/2009 08:28:00 PM
Anonymous said...
   To the cpl of u that found my myspace page... im pretty sure whatever is going on here has nothing to do with me ...

2/25/2009 06:16:00 PM
eclipsespilce said...
   That's right, folks. I don't blame anything buy my own paranoia and the bloody inner-net.
   Well, if I could get my hands on some of those stoner fucks on that weed forum, though...I'd steal their stash and poke holes in all of their condoms with a rusty needle. Just for fun, mind you.


2/26/2009 08:04:00 PM
Brad Hodges said...
   Naw, babe...you gotta replace their condoms with inner-tube rubber so's they can never, ever procreate.

3/05/2009 05:07:00 PM
Anonymous said...
   Hey there, eclipse. I'm usually just a passive listener to podcasts/radio shows but after listening to your latest episode I felt compelled to drop you a message. I searched breifly for an e-mail but this is the first way of contact I came across. Long story short, you can't let some ass hats get you down. Your show is entertaining and well produced in my opinion. I encourage you to keep it up. As long as your doing what you like, your doing what's right. Regardless of feedback. I don't know what to tell you about that weed forum though, flame the hell out of them maybe. Until next time comic fans....

3/05/2009 05:21:00 PM
Anonymous said...
as cool as that was ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
u DO know it was NOT from me ;)
n i hope some ppl get back to work, cuz if u dont... nothing will leak out... n i like it when theres leaking

4/30/2009 10:26:00 PM
eclipsespilce said...

I let 13 slip out.
Go look for it, if you want.
______________________________________
About the photo: those are my cats, Athena and Arthur Guinness (he's the one without a tail).  And, no, I have no idea what they are looking at.  It was a fresh bowl.  Cats are whack.  Coming soon:  Video of my cat taking a shower with me (which happens every day!)

Ignorant Knee-Jerk Response Time!

   I've got to say something about this, and I'll try to keep it short.
   I will say this about that:  This is not racist.  It is a plea for sanity, and a request that we follow the rules already laid before us.  Having said that about this, here's this...

   There's a little thing going on in Arizona that refuses to stay there.  I mean, I WANT it to spread, but not the way it is.  See, Arizona passed a law giving officers the right to ASK for proof of US citizenship if they feel someone is here illegally (that is the key fucking word, shitheads: ILLEGAL), and the means to detain them if it proves to be the case. 

   THIS has a bunch of people mad.  Therefore, shitloads of shitheads are Boycotting Arizona.

   So, what are these fuckwits mad about?  They are mad because they think it will give the police the right to pull over anyone they think is illegal.  Keep in mind that in Arizona (much like Texas), you have a lot of immigrants from South America;    Here in Houston last week, the arizona baseball team played the Astros, so everyone was urged not to go to the game.  People are screaming Racisim, Racial Profiling, etc.

   My bitch is: if I get pulled over, and don't show any ID to the officer, This white boy is going to fucking JAIL. BUT, if an illegal immigrant gets pulled over, can't speak the language, and shows no ID, they have to let them go.

Fuck that, and fuck you.

  And today, here in houston, they are hosting the World Cup Finals with MEXICO!  So, a couple thousand people show up for that shit, right?  I wonder what percentage of the audience isn't even allowed to be here... You ask me, I say: boycott Mexico. Fucking boycott China, with their cancer causing toys and poisonous sheetrock.  Boycott your fucking mother, faggot.


   See, I'm not going to even bother arguing with them. Illegal is fucking illegal. You have assholes smuggling people and drugs across the border, killing people, fucking up everything by breeding like crazy and living their shitty, third-world lifestyle here in the states. Fuck them. If you are mad about this you are either ignorant as shit, or you or someone you care about is here illegally. Tough shit, motherfucker.  I have no compassion for utter stupidity.  I've never received compassion for my own stupidity, and maybe that's why I've learned from it.  I did not, however, learn compassion.  You idiotic, selfish and inconsiderate apes wrung that one right out of me.

  Check out some of the numbers showing how much money is spent on illegal mothers having their "anchor babies" here in the states (which makes the bastard a citizen???  Really?/????), and THEN they can't kick the bitch out because that would be cruel.  What is cruel is that their birth control failed (yeah, right....like they used any fucking birth control...goddamn catholics...).  Let me tell you fucking cunts something: Eat shit.

  (Remenber: No arguments here, just a smack in the face)

  Fuck you again, you overpopulating, macho-muchacho douchebag faggots.  Keep breeding.  Pile them into the shitty schools, where there are too many kids, and fewer (and worse) teachers.  Fill the world with your filth, go ahead.  But, don't come crying to anyone when you are wallowing in disease and starvation.  Don't ask me to give a shit about your fucking children.  Don't ask me to help you pay for them, either.  I'll tell you the same thing I tell the crackhead drunk fucks begging for change on the side of the road:  Eat shit and die, you worthless piece of shit.  You dug your grave, lie in it.

   Face it:  We are fucked.  Prematurely fucked, too.  Like the badass artist that overdosed on drugs before they made anything REALLY good (but, they had such potential!).  People are just too selfish and stupid, and we are simply doomed.  It won't be tomorrow (I think), maybe not even next week or (hopefully) next year... But, I guarrantee that your quality of life, no matter WHO you fucking are, is going to start getting shittier, and shittier and shittier.

  Start making some smart fucking decisions, you idiotic fucking monkeys, or your grandchildren will kill you and eat you while you sleep.

  Me, I just want to crawl into the forest and die in peace...ALONE.

  Soylent green is fucking people, but I'd rather starve.


Ahhhhh...I feel better now.  Time to go hit the heavy bag.

Derivative Comics coins the term "Cauc"

Consistently one of the most twisted and hilarious web comix.  Yes, I know:  I've mentioned it before.  But, you have to read this one.  Fucking Genius. 

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode 11: Earache My Eye!

   "Even if you don't like Underground Comix (heathen...), or even KNOW what that means, you will dig this shit. Get ready for the best mix of music, Idolatry and inebriated idiocy that this one Herbivore (snicker...) can muster. Personally, I couldn't care less if you downloaded this Pudcast, but if it entertains the shit out of me THIS much, it's gotta be a little fun for you, too. Check it."

Check Yer Head...Comix: Episode 10: Zombie EclipsespilcE!

Oh, no...I can't believe it. I thought the nightmare was over!

   "It's time to check yer self. EclipsespilcE comes back like a Tsunami. Don't call it a comeback, I been here for a couple minutes.

   If I don't mess you up this time, I'm wasting mine. Don't waste yours for a minute more. Score a fat sak of comix and mind bending music and dialogue in this episode of smack you back."

Tea-Bagging Maniacs fight for their shitty "Life-style"!

   I'm not usually one of those "I told ya so" kinda guys.  Shit, if you didn't listen the first time, you're on your own.  Of course, I don't have access to the kind of ears that really need to hear what I have to say, and I doubt they'd listen anyway.

   What am I mad about?  Shit, many things, but I'll narrow it down to just a couple.

   One:  Fuck oil.  Fuck it.  Fuck you if you want us to keep drilling.  Fuck you if you waste it on a big-ass Rush Limbaughmobile.  Mainly, fuck the entire oil & gas industry.  And fuck the auto industry as well.  These dickheads are like smokers that get cancer, and still refuse to quit.  If it were up to me, I would buy them a metaphorical Carton Of Smokes, and let them kill themselves, but the metaphor involves "second-hand smoke", and I'd (we'd) end up losing a lung along with them.

   See, I'm a little pissed off about that fucking offshore oil rig that blew up.  Not only did some poor guys (that were only looking for a paycheck, I know) DIE in a huge flaming mess, but NOW (dig this shit), THEY ARE NOT SURE HOW SOON THEY CAN SHUT OFF THE FLOW OF OIL. 

   [Does anyone else think it's funny this shit happened just hours before "Earth Day" Began?  God works in mysterious ways, eh?]

   Yeah, you heard me.  Thousands and thousands of gallons of gooey DINOSAUR SHIT (and rotten old trees) that should have just fucking stayed in the ground is now belching out on the sea floor, killing shit and knocking a few years off of humanity's dance card.

   But, that's not the worst of it.  The absolute WORST are the fucking idiotic tea-baggers.  While earthquakes shake, tornadoes and tidal waves blow us away, volcanoes erupt all around, these faggots are bitching about losing their "lifestyle".  These fucking morons scream things like "drill now, drill here!" and other completely fucking stupid phrases, and LAUGH at the idea of climate change.  Yeah, I know, right?  They want to keep their 100,000$ jobs, their illegal workforce, their Escalades, and they are prepared to let the poor die slowly of horrible diseases if they have to!  They are willing to sacrifice anything (of yours) to save their worthless asses.  I mean, their spokesperson is a single mother that was too stupid to use a condom and wants to ramp-up oil drilling in Alaska. Why?  Does she think it's good for the country?  Do they think that it is good for the world?  Fuck no, they just want money.  AND THEY WANT IT NOW, BEFORE THE SHIT HITS THE FAN.  These fuckholes think that just laughing while you say "global warming" causes the concept to lose credibility...that's funny, I usually laugh when I say the words "Jesus" or "God"...or "Clean Coal" (laughs out loud).  Hell, I'd like to see these buttfucking assholes really fight for what they believe in.  I say, put them in the fucking ring, with the prize being a huge tax break.  Hell, offer them NO TAXES FOR A YEAR if they get in the ring with a pro for just a few minutes (a'la Bully Beatdown).  Shit, that's all they are anyway:  Douchebag Bullies.

   I've got an idea how we can solve two problems at once:  Take all the Tea-bagging ball-lickers and all the oil and gas execs, remove their bones, feed the meat to the poor animals locked in zoos and grind their bones into glue.  Then you take the glue, and plug up that fucking oil hole they made in the ocean floor.  The auto industry guys?  Fuck, just set up a sting-style operation, saying they won a new pair of jet-skis, and when they walk in the door, whack them with a hammer...JUST LIKE THE COWS THEY EAT!  Shit, they love oil so much, we should make them drink it.  Bottoms up, faggots!  Hey...why do we call cow meat "beef", but chicken is just chicken?  Deer=Venison, Baby Lamb=Veal, but chicken?  Just fucking chicken.  Sorry, back to the misanthropic rant already in progress.

Hey, my idea is no less crazy than theirs.  Oil?  OIL??  Really??  Are you that fucking greedy and lazy?  Rhetorical question, dipshit...

   I'm also willing to bet various body parts that the majority of these ignorant douchebags are "god-religious" as well.  On behalf of the semi-intelligent portion of the human race, let me be the first to tell you fuckers:  Heaven's not overflowing.

   I suppose I'll eventually have the opportunity to tell them what I think about their beliefs when we all get to hell.  See you there, you fucking dinosaurs.  You, me, Hitler and fucking Oral Roberts can sit around drinking oil, discussing the best methods of breeding stupid monkeys for the purpose of mass consumption of poisons for profit, until fucking eternity yells "last call".

Eat shit and keep breeding, idiots.  That's my recipe for Suck-Cess.

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode 9: Check Yer Video

Here, take it home with you!

[For some reason, this remains the most downloaded of all my shows. 1,203 times (What the fuck?).  I can't get the embedding to work (it cuts the video in half), so click on the link above, choose "open", and it should play in your chosen video player... or not. Who knows, you could have a really shitty computer. Allright, which one of you bastards said "just like yours"?  Anyway, if you don't want the nice-looking version, click here, and it won't take 3 minutes for your crappy computer to download.  Either way, yer gonna haveta delete it when yer done.]

  "Well, folks, It's been an interesting Holiday season. It started out with a nasty little virus that wiped out my HDD. Since episode 9 was obliterated, I just decided to make a little video tour of my studio and comix vault.
I'm no Spielberg, so don't expect Oscar material.


SEE...how my drunk ass lives.

WITNESS...as I stumble around my comix vault, trying not to trip over stacks of comic books

AGONIZE...as you and your co-miserators try to figure out exactly WHAT IS WRONG with me!!

(no comix were harmed in the creation of this video)"

Too Many Games, not enough time...

   Howdy, Y'all!  It's Sunday again, and I'm wasting it playing video games.  That should explain why there hasen't been any text blogs for the past couple weeks.  Apparently, I'm in a low point of my addiction cycle...

   Usually I only feel like gaming on Saturday, 'cause I can stay up half the night if I need to (need...sheesh!).   Bioshock kinda screwed that up.  I was playing just about every night, being careful to go to bed on time.  Getting up at 4:30 is a bitch when you went to bed at 12:30.

   But, I finished Bioshock (twice), and moved on to some other games I've had sitting around collecting dust:  Infernal (I got it cheap), Far Cry, Timeshift, Quake4 (yes, I still haven't got deeper than the first level) and Doom 3(ditto).  I bought Call of Duty (original) Deluxe edition Box set for 5$, and Saints Row 2 for the same price.  Then I realized:  TOO MUCH!  TOO MANY GAMES TO CHOOSE FROM!!

I'm up to my nipples in gaming goodness!!

   Today, my chores are done (save the laundry, which takes all damn day), so I'm diving into Prey.  Hell, it almost took as long to develop the damn game as it did for me to get around to playing it.  It's worth the wait, though, because I have a much better video card than before, and can see all the pretty stuff!  Well, to call all that gorey sick scary stuff pretty....you'd have to be a gamer, I guess...or a horror movie freak.

  I must say, and if you've clicked any of the links above you'll agree, that Youtube has inadvertantly done something great for the Gaming community.  If you just don't have the skills, hardware or time, you can STILL experience some of the greatest games on the planet.  All thanks to gamers themselves, and the "free" posting abilities they get from Youtube.  Great job, guys (and girls!)

   Well, shit....I got some aliens to disembowel.  LATER!

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode Ate

Click here to save it for later...

   What happens when EclipsespilcE drinks Budwiser instead of Guinness??  Lemme tell 'ya...it ain't purty.  Good thing this is an auditory medium!  Prepare yer puckered puss for this binaural, Budwiser bullshit, baby!

   Soon as I get drunk enough, We can press the button, and pour ourselves a big friggin' glass of badass old comix.  I got Skull Comix on tap this week, and draughts are CHEAPCHEAPCHEAP!!!  Does anybody else miss nickel beer nights at Numbers?

  Anyway, I wouldn't recommend any hallucinogens for this show, kids.  It's weird enough all on it's own.

Shitbar Shiterday: What's in store

Howdy, y'all.

This is the explanation section.

   You may have listened to my last show and wondered: "Halloween?  WTF?  It's fucking april, for fuck's sake!!  And, what was that shit about Ike, a year and a half late?

You are absolutely right.  It IS April, for fuck's sake. April 2010.

   Okay, here's what's going on:  I started this blog recently, but I've been making shows for a couple of years.  They were put up on the Archive, and the Comic Book Haters posted them on their blog for me.

   Yeah, it's all about being "underground".  There were a lot of promises made, and I tried to keep them, but there's a quality that can't be reached when your heart isn't into it.  My heart isn't always into it.  There are a lot of things begging my interest, and keeping up with THAT kind of quality on a weekly basis wasn't a promise I could keep.

   So, I wanted a BIG break.  Bigger than big.  Like, a year off.  I only want to make shows when I WANT to.  That way, they'll be worth listening to, right?

   With this blog, I'm putting the shows out once a week until I'm cashed.  Right now, I'm sitting on 17 shows.  That's 16 released shows, and one I'm not so done with (lazy fuck...).  We're at seven, right?  That leaves about 9 shows to go until 17.  Therefore, 8 weeks from now, I start putting out new shows.  At the rate of one per week, no less, I guess...

   No, I don't know what they are going to be like yet.  All's I know is: New shows are going to be a mixed bag.  Some audio, some video, some short and some long.  The video is what's gonna be fun.  I've been practicing with my camera, and checking out Youtube, and let me tell ya: they ain't got shit on what I'm gonna put out. Editing?  Shit, I don't have the patience to edit video.  It's all gonna be one-take or nothin'

   Best of all:  I ain't gonna advertise.  Yep, I'll be lucky if one or two people EVER SEE or HEAR this shit...  Because, I want to stay hidden, y'all.  I know: Kinda crazy to put this kind of work into something yer gonna hide, right?  Well, lemme tell you about my music career...nah, nevermind.

And I'm cool with that.  That's what underground is all about.

   So, if you are reading this: you are lucky...I guess.  Lucky in the sense that you stumbled upon something that very, very few people are ever going to be aware of.

   Enjoy.  Because, there are few things in this life that are still hidden treasures.  What I share with you is, to me, my treasures.  It's my time, my heart and my soul.  I will only speak when I have something to say, and I will use as few words as possible, taking care that you are entertained either way.  Still, you can just ignore me, and enjoy the music for all I care.  At least you get something out of it.

Remember:  It's free, and I gain absolutely nothing...save the personal therepudic benefits, of course.

Cheers, muhmakkas!

Check Yer Head...Comix, Numbah Seben

clickety right here to download

   "Ahhhhhhh.....that's better. Niiiiiice and quiet. Looks like things are lightening up a bit here. How's about a whole show where you don't get bitched at? Even better than that, we talk about comix through the whole show! No, I'm serious!


Unfortunately, it's only half as long as usual.

   You gotta take the good with the bad, y'all...and determine which is which.

   Either way, you'd be screwed in the head if you didn't download this here pudcast.

And, make sure yer smiler ain't broke."

TV Tuesday: BULLY BEATDOWN!!!

   Yeah, muhmukkah...3 exclamation points(!).  I've loved this show from the get-go.  Everything about it is tits (pardon the expression, but...who DOESN'T like boobies?  Well, you just shut the hell up, then.), and I can't get enough.

  However, there hasn't been a new episode in a loooong time.  A LOOOOOOONG time.  WTF?  OMG!  There, I made my quota of idiotic internet "slang" for the year.  Internet slang!  Making your kids a little more illiterate every day!  Can you believe they don't even bother to teach cursive writing anymore?  They have to grade papers with RU in place of Are You and shit like that.  Fuck, how did I get off track?

 Oh, yeah...Bully Beatdown!  And, the best thing about Bully Beatdown is Jason "Mayhem" Miller.  You simply cannot find a more entertaining fighter or host.  Some of his pranks are sublime, and I dig how he plays "possum" in his fights.

   Why aren't there any new episodes?  Did all the bullys catch part of the first season, and now they can't talk anyone into the ring?  That fucking sucks.  It's also typical MTV bullshit.  Whenever they get a show that is worth a shit, they only make a couple seasons worth of shows, and then just re-run them for years.  Must I add to the Canon of bitching about how sad MTV is?  What does the M stand for, anyway?  Moron?

   So, step the fuck up, MTV.  Fuck Jersey Shore (train wreck), fuck Real World (what a bullshit name) and fuck Road Rules (what kind of fag watches that shit, anyway???).  Bring back the fucking BEATDOWN goddamnit.

   By the way, you should also change the name of "Sucker Free" to "Shithead Packed".  I don't care that it sounds stupid...you should hear some of the crap they play on that show...REEEEEEEALY stupid.

   Wow, this started as a plea for more shows, and ended up as a wedgie.  You fucking deserve it, you little MTV bitches.  You don't like it?  Well, get me in the ring, muhmukkah!

Bioshock Blues

  I finished playing Bioshock on the PC just a few minutes ago, and now I'm sad.  I always get a little sad when I finish a game.  I dragged this one out, too.  However, there are 3 different endings, and I've only seen one of them.  The thing that keeps me from going back and playing again is that the ending I got was pretty lame.  30 seconds of video that stuttered, and only left me with questions.  I suppose, that's why they made Bioshock 2.

   If you are not familiar with the game, it's pretty damned hard to describe.  I'm not going to bother.  There's plenty of info out there, so go look for yourself.  I will say that to this date, it's the best shooter I've ever played.  Very dark, disturbing, and it fucks with you right until the end.  I leaped out of my seat more times than I did playing the first Half-Life.  I finished all of the Half-Life 2 plus episodes and lost cost just a week before I started Bioshock.  I'm glad I did, because I would have been constantly comparing  them to each other, and having Bioshock come out on top.

   Now I have to decide:  Do I replay it two more times, changing my gameplay to see the alternate endings, or do I just go to Youtube, watch them, and get on with another game...Oh, man, it's hard being so lazy...

Addendum:  April 10, 2010 - almost done with my 2nd time through, and it's a whole new game.  Kickass.

Check Yer Head...Comix, Oh Sicks...

Click here to slowly get wasted!

[I know I'm a day late...did anyone REALLY notice?  Just for that, I'm leaving the blog open until Monday afternoon!  New posts scheduled all weekend.  Consider that a threat, not a promise.]

   "Hey, I've got a great idea! You tell your mom you're stayin' at my house, an' I'll tell MY mom I'm stayin' at YOUR house, and we'll hang out at the park, smoke and catch toads, so's we can shove firecrackers in their mouth, an'...hey, where'ya goin'? Well, we can at least download this here pudcast from eclipsespilce, and laugh our nutz off, right? Allright, cool. I'll go score a lid. Meet you back here in 30 minutes."

Wacky World News

   There's more and more talk nowadays about the shit going on in Mexico.  Apparently the drug cartels are operating in such an open and brazen manner, and stepping up violence exponentially, that the Mexican Tourisim market is taking a nosedive.  Not to mention all of the "innocent" people caught in the crossfire.

   It seems so stupid to me.  When you think about it:  Only 2 major "drugs" come out of the south directly.  Some things are routed THROUGH Mexico, but just as much comes in from Canada.  I guess the Canadians aren't quite as violent, but I can only suppose...Anyway, it's mostly Cocaine and Marijuana.  Meth is made down the street in that shack behind that crappy house.  I have no idea where the Heroin comes from (never seen any, myself), but I bet it comes into the states through the NorthWest.  Some of it is smuggled in, of couse.  Actually, I'm sure just about ANYONE would be surprised if we saw some  real numbers of how much crap is shipped in through FedEx and the like....REALLY surprised.

   But, the reason it seems so stupid is:  We could FINALLY end prohibition of Marijuana, set up some Domestic operations, and simply drive them out of business!  Once the only thing they are smuggling is Cocaine and Humans, we can simply start shooting them in the face and leaving them by the side of the road. Because Coke is retarded, and slavery is abbhorent!!  Marijuana?  You really want to compare that to Human Trafficking and Crack???

If you said "yes" then I would like to offer you a free trip to Tiajuana!  One way, of course...

If you make it back, please let me know how you feel about Domestic Marijuana Production then.

   Marijuana = Paper, Biofuel, Clothing, New Jobs, Freedom for incarcerated "non-criminals", to make room for all the cocksmoking pederasts they let go to make room for the potheads, and UNLIKE OIL it's a fucking RENEWABLE RESOURCE!!!!

   I'm not saying anything that millions upon millions of other people know and repeat themselves.  I'm sure it will be ignored just the same.  Most people can't say anything because either they are afraid to be outted as a "druggie", or they simply can't talk with Big Oil's dick in their mouth.

   Here's a scenario:  You come home from a hard day at work, plop down on the couch and smoke a joint.  Your neighbor passes by your door, smells it, and calls the cops.  15 minutes later, some cops are at your door, and you are going off to jail.  While waiting for a trial, your wife visits to let you know that the registered sex offender on parole that has been living across the hall has raped and killed your daughter.  Plus, you lost your job, not only because of the "drugs", but they are moving your position to "offshore".  Meaning, somebody in India is going to make 3 dollars an hour doing your job.

   It may seem ridiculous to you...but then, so does strapping a bomb to yourself and wandering onto a subway.  And that shit NEVER happens, right?

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode 5

You may need an athletic support for this one, kids.

   Nothin' like a good ol' release of aggression, am I right?  Well, I may not be RIGHT, but you know what I'm talkin' 'bout, muhmukkah....

   Hold on to yer hats, 'cause I come out swinging right away.  But, if you ain't into the bitchin', you can fast forward to about 15 minutes in, and check out some incredible Comix with me.  And, feel free to get a bit lit up, 'cause you KNOW I am.

   I'm not going to waste any more of your time writing about the show. Go ahead and waste your time listening to it.

   FRIDAY NIGHT!  HELLS YEAH!

Terrible Technology!

   With so much going on in the world, and so much communication, it's easy to feel overwhelmed by it all.  Sometimes, you just want to unwind, pop open a beer, and have a conversation with a complete stranger that may or may not share a common language with you.  Now, where in the hell would you go for something like that?  An airport bar?  Possibly, but silly.  A bar in a foreign country?  Definately, but a little more dangerous.  Maybe a forum or a chatroom?  Feh, too much flaming and stupid shit.  Although some forums only have 2-3 people ever posting on them, so it creates a kind of "inbred" and weird environment...
BUT, what if there was a website that you could go to, hook up your webcam, and randomly talk to all kinds of people at the push of a button?  Man, that would be AWESOME, right?
Say what?  What's a Chatroullete?  You mean, someone already DID that?  Hot damn. 
   I know, I'm a little late, but I try not to pay attention to this kind of silly shit, because I'm not THAT kind of guy.  No, not THAT kind of guy, I mean "social".  I'm NOT social by any means.  Humans are okay in very, very small doses.

   That said, even in small doses, people can be just too much.

   I went on Chatroullete last night for the first time because I was enthralled with a few videos I saw on Youtube.  There were a couple guys sitting with their instruments (piano, guitar, kazoo, etc), making up random lyrics in response to the people they "met" (allright, that's 3 quotation-thingys, I think I've made my quota for the month).  So very cool.  I laughed like crazy.  THEN, I saw some guy set up a pair of legs hanging from the ceiling with an overturned chair underneath it, and recorded the reactions.  You get it?  The funniest and sickest thing about that one is:  It could REALLY HAPPEN!  Shit, I'm surprised it hasn't already happened...  So, I tried it out.

   What should you be prepared for if you go there?  A lot of penises.  Seriously, 4 out of 5 "chatters" are either tossing off under their sheets or desk, or just fucking doing it full-frame.  No joke.  Heh, I saw ONE va-jayjay, though (and wish I hadn't)  But, I did end up having at least 3 conversations that were fun and harmless.  Only 3.

   Oh, you sick little monkeys...unleashed upon each other, armed with technology you barely understand. Technology which doesn't have a proper use.

   Because, if it turns out that the only use for webcams are showing your pathetic penis to strangers, I think you should be arrested just like the pathetic parasites that show their privates to children at the park.  Castrate your ass.  Me, I wasn't really offended.  I've seen plenty of dicks, and I am not afraid of them.  I won't hold any besides my own, and if you tried to put it inside of me, it would suddenly be missing; But, I'm not some innocent little shit with a webcam and ignorant parents.

   Well, now that I've decided to castrate a useless part of our population (with good reason), I can move on to the next problem.

   Hey, I just thought of something...I'm good at making ridiculous decisions that are impossible to implement!  I should run for office!  Nah, I don't care enough to do that.  I'm not greedy or egotistical enough.  Fuck, I'd probably end up pressing the button.

   Not THAT button....sheesh.

Hell YEAH, it's Tuesday! What's on the tube?

   I couldn't give a FUCK less, 'cause I'm watching MMA.  I don't wanna see nothin' but guys beating the SHIT out of each other.

Check Yer Head...Comix, Episode 4

This one's strictly for the Comix Fans

   Nothin' but Comix talk in this one.  I'm gonna use the original introduction, because I'm a lazy fuck, and I've got some beer to drink.  It's FRIDAY, MUHMUKKAS!!!

[  Well, here we go again, folks. In rare, rear form tonight, EclipsespilcE winds up his two part love letter to Richard Corben (Platonic, for sure), and makes fun of himself BEFORE you get a chance to (nyahhh...).

   When asked his opinion of last week's episode, Mr. Corben had this to say:
"Hi [EclipsespilcE],
I appreciate your podcast activities concerning Corben. It is very flattering and I thank you, but I look forward to your efforts on more worthy subjects.

Best wishes,
Richard Corben."

   FOOL! Your humility is lost on me, Sir! I know not even the meaning of the word! In fact, I've totally lost track of my own train of thought!! Have at thee, with the compendium of yer own work, tossed back at you like a flying cream pie! There's only one stooge on this stage, and it's gotta be me, 'cause I got pie ALL OVER mah face, dangit! ]

   This is good timing because yesterday I scored a book that I've been looking for for YEARS, and I simply refused to pay full price for it: Banner #1.  I know, I know, it's a MARVEL book.  So fucking what, it's Richard Corben drawing the HULK!  And it was only ONE DALLAH!

Whack Me Wednesday!

   Holy crap, man.  Waht a frigged-up week.  I have pretty frequent computer problems.  This is mainly due to my overwhelming curiosity and experimentation than anything else.  Saturday night, I got tired of playing Bioshock, and wanted to check out an older game related to it.  Unfortunately, this game only runs on Win95.  It MAY run under XP, but it's almost not worth it.  I've been known to go to pretty extreme lengths to play old games.  I've even built custom computers out of old parts I store, and installed old operating systems gauged to the particular game I want JUST to play it.  Then, when I'm done, I disassemble the rig.  I've done this for several games.  One game was Toonstruck.  I HAD to play it, and it would only run on a particular video card, and operating system.  Luckily, I had both stored, and so...it was a great game.  Nowadays (is that a word?), I'm a little more lazy, and try to get them to work on XP.

   So, Saturday night, I tried to install a dual operating system (after a failure with a virtual PC) on my main box and CRASH.  Then, I spent most of sunday re-installing windows.  Well, I was in a hurry, and fucked it up.  That fucked up Monday night, because it took 4-5 hours.  Needless to say, I messed that up too.  For some reason, every night this week, when I tried again, I would do something wrong.  Install drivers in the wrong order, hit the wrong button, whatever.

Last night, I FINALLY got shit straightened out.

Tonight (St Patti's day, me boyo), I'm having a couple pints and catching back up to my game.

   For all of you gamers out there:  If you don't have 4-5 computers ready to go if you smoke your main one trying crazy shit, just stick to the new shit.  You will definitely miss out on some spectacular moments in gaming, but you won't fry your shit.

   Me, I'm not afraid of a little blue flame, and purple smoke burping out of my power supply...I've been there before, and I own a fire extinguisher.  DON'T BE A PUSSY!  TAKE THAT RISK!!

   Next week:  I try to play my old Aerosmith Quest For Fame.  I think I'm going to just build another relic rig, rather than shit on my new, clean OS.  I've just GOT to use this goddamn Virtual Pick, man. It's so cool... Where's my tennis racket?